Friday, Sep 11 2009
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Fatty: I made the decision to put my Fatty to sleep. It was a hard decision. The medicine wasnt eliminating the internal bleeding or his chronic vomiting. After I made the decision, Steve stepped in and was such a support to me, I couldnt have asked for more. He arranged it and took Fatty in, sat with and petted him until he faded away. We buried Fatty together on our property. I am going to put together a placard of sorts with a picture of Fatty and his birth year and death year. I miss my Fatty, but I do believe he was suffering more than he should have had to and that he is at peace now.
Will: Oh, Will. He is breaking my heart right now. The potty training is such a struggle. Its going on 5 months now that we have been working on pooping in the potty without consistent success. Last night Steve and I decided that we were going to ditch the diapers all together and deal with accidents as they happen. (Will wears underwear anytime he is out of bed, but he is saving his pooping for his diaper at night. When he doesnt save it, he only goes on the potty after an hour or more of sitting on the potty, crying, etc.) We will have to figure out how to encourage him to use the potty if he needs to when he is down for a nap or at night-time. Traditionally he wont call out to us, and certainly doesnt leave his room until one of us comes to get him. The process is making all of us miserable. Steve and I would be happy to cry uncle and let Will poop in his diaper until hes 17 except that the poop chaps his bottom so badly it would abusive to allow it to happen. His skin gets literally raw, and red, and so tender he cant stand anything on it, even water.
Today is that last day of his first full week of preschool. He is breaking Steves heart because he cries all morning until he gets to school. Will has been very happy and in a great mood when Steve picks him up, which helps, but the morning crying is hard.
I am very anxious to have parent/teacher conferences in October to get a sense of where Will is at. Steve gets some information as he picks Will up, but I really want an in-depth discussion of it.
Next week I plan to try to talk briefly to the teacher on the phone to make sure Will isnt upset at school and is appearing to at least have some fun. I think he is having a good time when he is there, but its hard to get much information from him in his own words and I would like the reassurance of the teachers.
I am feeling tender and guilty about Will as if I am not doing enough to protect him. It is making me tear up even as I write about it. It is these moments that make being a mother who works outside of the home feel extra hard.
Therapist: Ive been to see my therapist twice now, and am really liking it. Im reading a book called The New Rules of Marriage that I am finding so helpful. She recommend the book to me not because of my marriage, but because she sensed I could use many of the techniques and information from the book in OTHER relationships (such as with work colleagues and my children) to help me better manage my feelings. Im a bit of a self-help cynic but this book has had lots of information/ideas that just ring true to me.
She helped me link a situation at work with other situations from my earlier years, and she seems to think that living at a boarding school for 3 years in my tweens was far more formative than I have ever really given thought to.
She suggested I try yoga, so Ive signed up for a community ed yoga class that starts in October.
Weight, exercising, and eating: are in the lame, but not totally hopeless, category. Time enough to deal with that later.