Happy election day!!

I didn't sleep too well... up every couple of hours... patially because the guest bed at this house leaves much to be desired and partly because Matty wasn't sleeping well and partly because the 14 yr old yellow lab that we are baby-sitting wasn't very lively. She is usually always up and ready to go out and eat breakfast but she was barely moving this morning. Matt said she just may have been tired which is prolly the case but it worries me...
If something happened while her parents were gone I would be mortified to say the least....

Matt's phone alarm went off at 4am in the kitchen so after that I tried to sleep a little more and we finally got up and faced the day. I did manage to leave the house by 6:45 so I could vote on my way to work... I'm such a junkie, I'll be watching results as soon as I get home from Bible Study tonight

Matty is home tonight and then gone tomorrow night I wish I had more time off to go with him... the week up north together was great but really sapped my time off.

Man, do I have a collection of dirty coffee cups on my desk! Blech! I better get these cleaned up!

Alrighty.... got to get back on task... Be back later...

OK... I lost control and added one very brief comment in 'that thread'... I am a very calm, and laid back person but I just want to scream and shout so here goes... We all have insecurities. We all have groups that we are not a part of. We all have issues of sensitivity and 'differences'. Get over yourself and give everyone a break. Vance is right. The middle aged American male is the most discriminated employee at this point. And the statement that we don't have a 'white history day' because every day is white history day??? ARGH!
Minority groups have more opportunity and chances to get ahead than ever and they still scream oppression. No, it's not perfect, but it's a hell of alot better. I had a college loan advisor tell me to say that I was of a different race on my loan app so I could get more grant money.
I know this all sounds so horrible but it is really only the cry of a frustrated lower middle income white kid who dropped out of high-school at 16 and took my GED so that I could give my parents my grocery cashier paycheck so we could have a roof over our heads.... and you want to tell me that I am a supremist because I think you get enough advantage?? And how did this simple 'Christian' thread turn into a racial and religious all out war?? No one said... Only Christians allowed... or No Muslims, please... Alienated??? I'll tell you about alienated.... at school and wearing a dress because your ultra-conservative religion (classified under Christian) doesn't feel that pants are modest... and no one is your friend because you are different. It's cooler to have a racially diverse crowd of friends... not a freaky white girl who reads her Bible at lunch. No one thought that the Muslims praying outside at lunch was as odd as my Bible. They were protected. But I couldn't pray over my meal to myself without raising hairs...
Ok, I'm out of steam... and thoroughly embarrased. Sheesh.

`~* ^ ~ *^ ' * ^~~'~`
Babies....

Ahhh.... It seems that I have spent the last 10 years diligently trying to avoid conceiving a baby... I haven't been overly promiscuous or even at risk of getting pregnant but I just always assumed that being one of 7 children this shouldn't be a problem.
When my man and I were ready then we would. Just. Get. Pregnant.

Therein lies the mystery... in the just. get. pregnant... Not quite as easy as we had planned... and I try not to get all worked up about it and just let things happen and then everyone around me is deciding to try and bam! They are getting pregnant in 1 or 2 months...

God bless them... I'm not bitter about that, just yet... but why is this so hard??

So this month... 7 months (I know, not nearly long enough to panic yet) into this endeavor I am still not pregnant. And today I was maybe a day longer than usual before starting and I was so holding my breath...

And I 'started' about an hour ago and I could just crumble into a pile of tears and I hate that I seem to have lost control of all this and I hate emotions that I don't know how to handle and I hate outburst and panickers and I don't want to freak the hubby out.. poor guy. He is the most patient man on the face of the earth and he won't care if I am so very sad but I don't want him to worry because it really is fine, I just want to cry and cry and cry....

And all this feels so excessive and absurd but it's better if I type it in this place and get it all out and feel better and torture some other poor souls who might stumble upon it.... I know thousands of you who have dealt with this for much longer are scorning me but I think about that and cannot imagine how much worse it is going to get. I just have this gut feeling that it is never going to happen for us.. I don't know why and I cannot shake it...

So, pardon for the sappy post.. just had to get this out.