BECKAMARIE's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Dec 27 2006 - Christmas Drama part II
View BECKAMARIE's food & exercise for this day
OK... so Christmas Day dawned rainy and cool... no snow made us blue 
We rose around 6am. and got ready for the day and packed up the sleigh (er, um, the Buick) and made our way over to my parents...
Mom had a brunch spread of fruit laden tarts and egg casseroles.... After we had eaten and driven at least one brother to insanity by taking our time with the food we opened gifts with my family. A generally modest affair but enjoyed by all. It's been awhile since 6 out of the 7 kids were together for Christmas with one spouse and one GF.
My parents got me a rock tumbler/polisher from Discovery Channel Store!
How cool is that? My Mom knew that I had always eyeballed them at the store and that Matt brings me neat stones from the nursery yard and the 'farm' when we aren't together so she thought it would come in handy. I haven't unpacked it yet. I am looking forward to playing with it!
After a few hours of stomach settling we headed out to Matt's Aunt & Uncle's (our bowling partners) for yet another meal. Yummy turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing and cranberry.... We opened gifts there and had a nice time visiting late....
While there my Mom called to tell me that my brother (whom we had just visited in Cincy on Friday evening) was with his wife's family in NE Ohio. He called to tell Mom that his wife had attempted suicide on Christmas morning by ingesting over 200 Tylenol and the balance of her anti-depressant meds. She chased it with a rum cocktail.... He found her wandering the house before anyone else was up. She is the mother of an 18 mo old son and a 2 mo old son. She was in the I.C.U. when he called Christmas evening but I think she is stable now and they are keeping her for observation.
My brother is full of mixed emotions. He's a great guy who is attentive and faithful and has worked very hard to be able to have his wife able to stay home full time with their sons. Yet, she doesn't seem to want to truly get help for extreme paranoia and major depression. It has been a 5 yr struggle since they were wed and he says it has gotten progressively worse. He feels that he didn't see the signs when they dated and just thought that she was a girl who needed extra reassurance and security. He really thought he was the man for the job. He's a home-body that doesn't go out, he doesn't drink because she has asked him not to and he's fine with that. I feel he's frustrated because he has really given his best effort and he feels that she hasn't given her best effort to listen to the Dr's and try to stay on meds and treatments....
My brother and I are firm believers that your children really do come next to your spouse but certainly above all else and her doing this on her little boy's first memorable Christmas just threw him for a loop.
Mental illness is such a confusing state to handle. Do you push her? Do you not? If you can, how hard do you push? Is it fair to move on and raise your boys and leave her to her parents care? Your vows were till death do us part, in sickness and health....
The scariest thing is that he asked me, as an outsider, how do you think she is with the babies? I had to be honest. Considering the 18 mo old rarely goes to her in any situation I'd say he has had about enough emotional sadness living with a Momma who sits and cries all day or leaves him in a silent apartment alone when she goes back to bed in the morning and doesn't get back up all day.
I don't condone that he just walk away from her but I hope he considers his boys above all....
It doesn't help that her parents are pressuring him about how much he really loves her and how could he leave her, she's never really held a job, etc etc... He is pretty close to her parents so maybe they will realize that this isn't just something that she will 'get better' from and everything will be fine.
The worst thing is that he is beyond coddling her and is just angry right now which makes him feel guilty so it's a tangle of confusion. Did I mention that they live 3 and a half hours away from her parents (where she is hospitalized now) and he has to be at work right now??
Poor guy. I just try to call him every day just to say hi and how are ya and I love ya.
So... that was Christmas Day
I need to read up on everybody... I've missed you all!!
Woo Hoo!! Nancy Jo got her first deer and it is a big buck!!
We rose around 6am. and got ready for the day and packed up the sleigh (er, um, the Buick) and made our way over to my parents...Mom had a brunch spread of fruit laden tarts and egg casseroles.... After we had eaten and driven at least one brother to insanity by taking our time with the food we opened gifts with my family. A generally modest affair but enjoyed by all. It's been awhile since 6 out of the 7 kids were together for Christmas with one spouse and one GF.
My parents got me a rock tumbler/polisher from Discovery Channel Store!
How cool is that? My Mom knew that I had always eyeballed them at the store and that Matt brings me neat stones from the nursery yard and the 'farm' when we aren't together so she thought it would come in handy. I haven't unpacked it yet. I am looking forward to playing with it!After a few hours of stomach settling we headed out to Matt's Aunt & Uncle's (our bowling partners) for yet another meal. Yummy turkey, mashed potatoes, dressing and cranberry.... We opened gifts there and had a nice time visiting late....
While there my Mom called to tell me that my brother (whom we had just visited in Cincy on Friday evening) was with his wife's family in NE Ohio. He called to tell Mom that his wife had attempted suicide on Christmas morning by ingesting over 200 Tylenol and the balance of her anti-depressant meds. She chased it with a rum cocktail.... He found her wandering the house before anyone else was up. She is the mother of an 18 mo old son and a 2 mo old son. She was in the I.C.U. when he called Christmas evening but I think she is stable now and they are keeping her for observation.
My brother is full of mixed emotions. He's a great guy who is attentive and faithful and has worked very hard to be able to have his wife able to stay home full time with their sons. Yet, she doesn't seem to want to truly get help for extreme paranoia and major depression. It has been a 5 yr struggle since they were wed and he says it has gotten progressively worse. He feels that he didn't see the signs when they dated and just thought that she was a girl who needed extra reassurance and security. He really thought he was the man for the job. He's a home-body that doesn't go out, he doesn't drink because she has asked him not to and he's fine with that. I feel he's frustrated because he has really given his best effort and he feels that she hasn't given her best effort to listen to the Dr's and try to stay on meds and treatments....
My brother and I are firm believers that your children really do come next to your spouse but certainly above all else and her doing this on her little boy's first memorable Christmas just threw him for a loop.
Mental illness is such a confusing state to handle. Do you push her? Do you not? If you can, how hard do you push? Is it fair to move on and raise your boys and leave her to her parents care? Your vows were till death do us part, in sickness and health....
The scariest thing is that he asked me, as an outsider, how do you think she is with the babies? I had to be honest. Considering the 18 mo old rarely goes to her in any situation I'd say he has had about enough emotional sadness living with a Momma who sits and cries all day or leaves him in a silent apartment alone when she goes back to bed in the morning and doesn't get back up all day.
I don't condone that he just walk away from her but I hope he considers his boys above all....
It doesn't help that her parents are pressuring him about how much he really loves her and how could he leave her, she's never really held a job, etc etc... He is pretty close to her parents so maybe they will realize that this isn't just something that she will 'get better' from and everything will be fine.
The worst thing is that he is beyond coddling her and is just angry right now which makes him feel guilty so it's a tangle of confusion. Did I mention that they live 3 and a half hours away from her parents (where she is hospitalized now) and he has to be at work right now??
Poor guy. I just try to call him every day just to say hi and how are ya and I love ya.
So... that was Christmas Day
I need to read up on everybody... I've missed you all!!
Woo Hoo!! Nancy Jo got her first deer and it is a big buck!!
18 comments so far.
18.
a decade ago
Gosh, so sorry to hear that Becka
:( You'll be in my thoughts 
:kiss:
by MELANIEG
17.
a decade ago
He Becka, sorry to hear of all your brother's troubles. There are mental issues in my family too, it's a very tough situation. I wish I could say what the right thing to do is.. bu you just never know. Thinking of you and your family
:love:
by JNY1179
16.
a decade ago
Becka, I'm just now skimming and catching up from the last week or so ... know that you and your family are in my prayers. Your brother is blessed to have you in his life ... the thinking of you/loving you calls mean more than we can ever know.
by REV
15.
a decade ago
My heart goes out to your brother, family and your family as well. Depression with Suicidial tendency is a terrible world to live in on both people in a relationship. Unfortunately, your brother cannot help his wife and can only offer support until she is ready to help herself. I hope and pray she gets the help she needs so that your brother can live the life he deserves. He sounds like a super great person... I guess he would have to be,,, he is kin to you. Please know that you and your family are in my prayers.
:kiss: 
:love:
by ANEWME2BE
14.
a decade ago
I am so sorry about your sister-in-law. I once heard mental illness described this way: you wouldn't come on a car wreck and ask someone all bloodied to stand up and walk; the same is true of mental illness---you just can't see the injury.
:love:
But, he has his children to consider, so it's really tough.They are definitely very vulnerable right now.
I don't have any answers, but one thing I know: you can't change someone else. Believe me, for years I tried with my ex-husband, and his mental illness. And, my children suffered for it.
I will keep them all in my prayers.
by BUN201
13.
a decade ago
Unfortunately when you're in the throws of depression you don't always see that you need the help--much less want it. If she can stay in the hospital long enough for them to get the right medication in her though--maybe that will help her see she needs to stay on them.... Bless all of your hearts!!!
:kiss:
by 1LILYDALE2
12.
a decade ago
I'm praying for your family!!!
:love:
by AMANDALCB
11.
a decade ago
by JENNSTARR054
10.
a decade ago
That sure is a tough situation your brother is in. I don't have anything to add but wanted to say "You are one great sister." Good job on letting him know you are with him.
by PEANUT
9.
a decade ago
Your love is overwhelming. I can't thank you enough for the emotional and mental support. Your prayers are most appreciated.
:love:
by BECKAMARIE
8.
a decade ago
Mental illness is a tough one.. Your family is in my prayers..
:kiss:
by RAINY
7.
a decade ago
Wow, what a tough situation. I can't imagine going thriugh that, and maybe my answer would be different if the question wasn't just theoretical for me, but........I think that I would HAVE to leave, if I thought Eric was a danger to the boys. It would break my heart, and I would live with guilt over it for the rest of my life, but my number 1 job right now is to raise healthy, happy children, and I don't think I could do that in that environment.
:kiss: Whatever he chooses, I hopeit all works out.
by CBL
6.
a decade ago
by EPMOMMA
5.
a decade ago
I'm so sorry Becka! I don't have the words of wisdom that you're probably looking for but know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I do have faith that your brother will do what's right for the kids. Many
:kiss:es and hugs to you!
by LISAH
4.
a decade ago
by ISABELLE82
3.
a decade ago
Oh man, that is so sad. so sad. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but will have to settle for a
:kiss:
by PHISH44118
2.
a decade ago
Hey Becka, wish I had the answer to your questions. Just know you are in the thoughts of your CK friends. I do hope your brother finds happiness and does what is right for the boys.
by OBRATS
1.
a decade ago
Oh B!
:cry4: Your poor brother and those poor babies! I feel so sad for sil too. It isn't something she can fix necessarily and it not in the proper mind set. She is hopefully getting the help she needs. Your bro will do the right thing for his boys. I have faith in him. Just keep praying and calling. That is all you can do! 
:kiss: 
:love: 
:heart1: I am sorry this has happened and is happening! Hugs babe!
by MOM22SONZ