I'm having a bit of a motivational problem, but it makes for an interesting experiment. Last week, I worked out 7 days in a row. This week I've worked out one. I have had a MUCH harder time sticking to the plan this week, and yesterday (day 5 of the week) I snapped and had junk food before going to bed - so much that I went up to my maintenance level on a low day. It will be interesting to see how my weight shakes out for the week.

Walking Off The Cliff
I woke up at 6am on the dot after going to bed around 11:00pm. Seven hours should be enough sleep, right? It is 6:18 right now... and I am seriously contemplating going back to bed. After rolling around for a minute or two, I got up fully intending to get dressed and leave, but as soon as I stood up I got light-headed and really tired. The funny thing is, I'm sure that has happened before... but I ignored it because I was so excited about getting to the gym.

6:20... I'm just letting time tick away. I spent a good part of my morning thinking (and getting excited) about the idea of switching from elliptical to the treadmill now that I'm healed enough to start running... I also started planning my first weight training day... so I'm still pretty amped. Hm....

Stress?
6:22... There is something nagging in the back of my mind that says "I feel like I've lost my free time and I need a break..." which is weird since I had to take half a day off twice this week to take care of some stuff at the bank. I wonder if I'm stressed about money and this is how it is coming out? When I'm stressed, I start to feel overwhelmed - like I need a vacation... but what I have found is that when I actually take a vacation in this state, I don't feel better. I have to resolve whatever is bugging me; but... I have to know what it is, first! 6:27....

Dangerous Time
I think I am going to lie down... 6:29... This is the most dangerous time in any plan. Today is the warning sign of backsliding. A lot of my CK friends seem to be going through this same rough patch. Maybe it is something about the 3 month point? Not sure. Since my sense of stress is so vague, it could be related to the fact that I haven't worked out. It could be because I have had to take low calorie days on my low days instead of working into my deficit.

Don't Read the Label - It's Not Important
See? That is the tricky part about self-analysis... It is so hard to tell the difference between a feeling induced by hormones or nutrients (or lack thereof) and a true emotional response to a situation. As a friend of mine once said, "It's hard to read the label from inside the bottle." A good indicator of a body induced feeling is the inability to nail the feeling down to a particular event right away. This isn't always the case, of course - another indicator is when you catch yourself overreacting to events that usually don't bother you much. (If you're not sure what I mean, think PMS. I don't envy women one bit... once a month you have to deal with chemical soup affecting your perception of the world. It's a wonder there aren't more female philosophers).

SO... Since I don't know why I'm feeling stressed, I'm going to break my usual habit and STOP trying to find a cause. Odds are good that whatever I come up with will be wrong, anyway. 6:37... I'm in a soup related funk and I just need to get back on target.
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Well... I just did some rewriting that ate up another 5 minutes. It may be too late for me to lie down. It is definitely too late for me to work out now. I'll plan my workout for Saturday and start the new week fresh.

Grip
I'm going to take some advice that I gave another CK friend and just take a third day at maintenance level to "get a grip". Ah... just ate an early breakfast and now its time for a little sleep. (6:54... very little)

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5:26pm

Running!
Well, I did get some sleep after all... about an hour and I felt great when I woke up. Very strange.

I didn't mention it in my journal but I took my car in for an oil change... $1200 it was ready for me to pick up. (The timing belt was cracked and needed to be replaced.)

I mention this because the dealer is way down the street from my office, and when I received the call at 5pm to go pick it up, I ran!

This is the first time that I have run anywhere since my surgery and it felt GREAT! Since I can put in an hour on the elliptical, I figured running would be a cinch, but it wasn't. I was sucking wind after about 1/4 mile and had to walk for a bit before running again. After a while I just kept it to a walk because I didn't want to ruin my clothes. I'm sure I looked pretty funny out there running in my Merrells, slacks, a starched white shirt and tie, but it felt good

I'm not sure how far it was... (think I'll drive it to see since I'm leaving the office for the day right now), but I'm willing to bet it was around a mile.

What surprised me most was how sore I was this morning. Holy cow. The teardrop of my quad must not get worked much on the elliptical because it KILLS. And I didn't run very much!

Where to Start?
I think I'll try the treadmill out tomorrow morning... I'm kind of torn. Treadmill or my old buddy the rowing machine? Maybe both? I still haven't tried out my watch since resetting the VO2 max (which was way off, by the way) and I don't think the rowing machine has a polar receiver on it.

I'm not holding out much hope for the weigh-in, but we'll see how it goes in the morning!

--B