CALORIEHOLIC's CalorieKing blog
Saturday, Jul 16 2011 - Oh, How The Mighty Have Fallen!!!
View CALORIEHOLIC's food & exercise for this day
Wow, it's really easy to go WAAAAAY off track when you're not logging and blogging, isn't it?
Two things are on my mind this morning.
First, I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a friend who is a card-carrying member of Overeaters Anonymous. I asked her how someone knows if he or she needs to go to OA, and she said that they have an online questionnaire. I took a look and was surprised by one of the questions in particular -- the one about whether you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about food. I sure do! I think about it in advance when I plan my meals for the week and go grocery shopping, I think about it when I pre-plan and pre-log the next day's food, I think about when and what I get to eat next, I think about upcoming restaurant meals and recipes that I'm looking forward to trying...I can't imagine how much more free time I would have if I could somehow stop thinking about food!
Second, a motivational coach I've been working with told me to think about whether I have any self-imposed limitations that perhaps it's time for me to bust through. I have two that I've held pretty much forever: one is that love is not meant for me and that I'm just one of those people who will never get to experience a truly healthy loving relationship, and the other is that I am destined to be overweight forever -- there's no thin person inside me struggling to get out. What if these assumptions are in fact wrong? What if I do have it in me but have just never realized it?
Maybe I should be thinking about THAT instead of thinking about food.
But then again, when I don't think about food enough to pre-plan and log and blog, then I go way off track and end up eating and drinking things I shouldn't.
I know there must be a balance somewhere, but I haven't been able to find it yet.
Two things are on my mind this morning.
First, I had an interesting conversation yesterday with a friend who is a card-carrying member of Overeaters Anonymous. I asked her how someone knows if he or she needs to go to OA, and she said that they have an online questionnaire. I took a look and was surprised by one of the questions in particular -- the one about whether you spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about food. I sure do! I think about it in advance when I plan my meals for the week and go grocery shopping, I think about it when I pre-plan and pre-log the next day's food, I think about when and what I get to eat next, I think about upcoming restaurant meals and recipes that I'm looking forward to trying...I can't imagine how much more free time I would have if I could somehow stop thinking about food!
Second, a motivational coach I've been working with told me to think about whether I have any self-imposed limitations that perhaps it's time for me to bust through. I have two that I've held pretty much forever: one is that love is not meant for me and that I'm just one of those people who will never get to experience a truly healthy loving relationship, and the other is that I am destined to be overweight forever -- there's no thin person inside me struggling to get out. What if these assumptions are in fact wrong? What if I do have it in me but have just never realized it?
Maybe I should be thinking about THAT instead of thinking about food.
But then again, when I don't think about food enough to pre-plan and log and blog, then I go way off track and end up eating and drinking things I shouldn't.
I know there must be a balance somewhere, but I haven't been able to find it yet.
3 comments so far.
3.
a decade ago
Alright Calorie-a-holic!! You had better get yourself some coffee, and get ready to read. I have a million things to say to you. Oh how I wish I could talk to you in person about all of this. I got your message asking me if I ever had emotional eating. Flat out yes!!
:thumbu2:
OK!! GEES WHERE DO I START??
I challenge you to re-think what you are saying about NOT being a thin person trying to get out. The mere fact that you are here on this support site asking questions says that you very much are struggling and hurting. You also say that you feel like (Me paraphrasing here) love is not meant for you. Every one of us is meant to love and be loved- that's part of our human existence.
You asked me about if I ever ate in response to emotions. Oh heck yes!! I will share with you a particular incident. At nearly 300 pounds I had huge issues with my husband. I was perpetually in some degree of hard feelings toward him. It had nothing to do with him at all. I would be insanely jealous of any, any any woman who was half way attractive and I KNEW that he had to notice the difference between 'them' and 'me'. I would rage over just wanting to be a 'normal woman' but at the same time would self destruct with food. One time I went into Albertsons and felt such a torrent of anger and jealousy that I went into the Bakery and got myself 2 donuts , brought them out to the car and 'dedicated' them to him--I am so deeply ashamed to say that and only share that because this site is pretty anonymous- so I guess it's a safe place to admit such lousy behavior. But that was me.
I hated myself as a woman.
I hated that he had to notice how awful I looked.
I punished him with...another donut...another heap of food.
It was a vicious cycle!!
Today: This too is hard to write because well, it just is. I don't have any more jealousy issues. I have discovered to my amazement that I am very feminine and enjoy it. Back then I would have been right with you feeling like at at my 'zenith' of nearly 300# - that's who I was and thats just the way it is!!%#@!!! No. No. NO!
You say that you will never get to experience truly healthy loving relationships. I said that I would never be a 'normal woman'- LOL!!! I have shocked my teenage sister by turning heads at the age of 43!! I can run, bike, climb steep hills, walk for miles- all thi sfrom a woman who said never!What did you say about you will never...what? Sorry- it's a self defense mechanism. You are meant for it and you know it. It's now just getting there.
Redefine yourself! This day. This day. Write a list of who you think you are today and who you imagine yourself to be. Now. Look at that list of who you want to be. This day forward- that is you. Focus on that. That person does not obsess over food. That person knows his or her worth. You are that person today. Today. There.
Please keep messaging me!!!!!! I have been there!!!!
CG (103# loser)
I am thinking of opening a Facebook page under 'CascadeGirl' so I can puit up a lot of pictures and things that have inspired me. Here's the most inspiring thing. When I weighed in at 293 I watched this about 293 times and it spoke to me. Go watch it- then live it!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uASVzkrEKgs
by CASCADEGIRL
2.
a decade ago
You have a very valid reason for not giving your name. Thanks for the explanation. And never give up! NEVER give up!
by MUSICALMARGARET
1.
a decade ago
I, too, think about food constantly. I wonder if I'll ever change.
by GOODKAT