CELAWLOR's CalorieKing blog
Friday, Apr 14 2006
View CELAWLOR's food & exercise for this day
Crisis of confidence. That is me since last night. This is something completely foreign to me, and I could barely muster up the realization to admit to it, out loud, to the man who adores me. I have not felt anything less than 100% confidence in a good, long time. I really have no reason to not feel 100% right now, either, except for I am allowing my confidence to waiver. The pressure of two house payments, maintaining two houses (300 miles apart, I might add), a pending 70% drop in income, a car payment, my wardrobe issues, and our student loan payments are all adding together in my calculator brain. Not to mention that my son is in a private school that he ADORES and I'd hate to take him out of such a loving and academically challenginig enviroment. I could probably get a scholarship for his tuition, but it is still pressure.
Prince Charming and I talked for a long time last night. He is wonderful and will do anything in the world to support me. He suggested that maybe I should stop losing weight until I get a job so that the clothes won't be an issue. I know he meant well, and it sounds like a financially sound idea, but the reality of life is that people still look at fat people like they are sub-standard people, and therefore, sub-standard employees. Getting a job will be easier if I am thinner. Period. Not to mention that I really don't think that I can intentially consume the 3,700 calories per day that are required for me to maintain my current weight. I would be sick.
I already feel better just getting this out of my brain and in front of me. I think I am going to go have breakfast with my son and spend some time with him today. He is out of school until Tuesday.
Update: So far, today has been a wonderful day (after my little mini breakdown above). I have been outside almost all day with my son playing in the water with him, working in the yard and just enjoying the sunshine and the sea breeze. I feel awesome. Scott just called and said they were going to get out of work early today and the neighbor is going to take my boy to the batting cages with his boy in about a half hour. I am going to get a little less clothing on when he is gone and just let my skin relish in the glorious sun while listening to the birds and the wind chimes!!!
*21 days remaining to find a job*
Prince Charming and I talked for a long time last night. He is wonderful and will do anything in the world to support me. He suggested that maybe I should stop losing weight until I get a job so that the clothes won't be an issue. I know he meant well, and it sounds like a financially sound idea, but the reality of life is that people still look at fat people like they are sub-standard people, and therefore, sub-standard employees. Getting a job will be easier if I am thinner. Period. Not to mention that I really don't think that I can intentially consume the 3,700 calories per day that are required for me to maintain my current weight. I would be sick.
I already feel better just getting this out of my brain and in front of me. I think I am going to go have breakfast with my son and spend some time with him today. He is out of school until Tuesday.
Update: So far, today has been a wonderful day (after my little mini breakdown above). I have been outside almost all day with my son playing in the water with him, working in the yard and just enjoying the sunshine and the sea breeze. I feel awesome. Scott just called and said they were going to get out of work early today and the neighbor is going to take my boy to the batting cages with his boy in about a half hour. I am going to get a little less clothing on when he is gone and just let my skin relish in the glorious sun while listening to the birds and the wind chimes!!!
*21 days remaining to find a job*
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