Today I am going to start upping the protein intake for my little three week "experiment." I don't eat a lot of carbs, but I am going to reduce them, anyway. We'll see how it goes. Even if there is no change, I won't be discouraged as the purpose of this experiment is to keep my mind and heart distracted so that I don't miss, or worry about, my family too much while I am gone. If I am busy from the time I wake up until I go to sleep (alone and without hugs and kisses), it will make the weeks pass very quickly. This is how I deal with temporary stress--make myself too busy to have time to think about it.

I thought I would enjoy the time of no family responsibilities, but that is NOT what I am feeling. With family responsibilities comes coffee in the morning with my hubby while I watch the sunrise, my little one coming out of bed every morning, all warm from sleep, and curling up on my lap while he hugs me, eating meals with my boys, watching my son get out of the car and go off to school every day, cuddling with hubby in bed at night...I better stop before I convince myself I shouldn't go.

I emptied out all my drawers so that I can have everything I need. I feel like I am moving out of my home and it is very unsettling. But, it will be okay. I'll probably have a good cry on the way out, but that's okay, too. This sucks.

Today is personal training at the gym. She almost had me in tears last weekend. If she frustrates me this time, with my already fragile emotional state, the tears WILL be flowing. I hope it doesn't turn out that way. I wouldn't be embarassed, but she would likely feel responsible, and that wouldn't exactly be true. If I didn't have this deeply-ingrained need to not waste money, I would cancel the appointment.

Update: Personal training was, well, more personal today. She had her act together with things I could do. The scale was fixed and said I was back up to 300 lbs. I don't buy it. I think most of it is the shoes. They are noticeably heavier. If not the shoes-WHATEVER! I'm so not worried. I'm about to switch scales, to the scale in Lifetime Fitness, anyway. Their's is digital--and the digital display is up near the ceiling in plain view of every single woman in the locker room. I must get over that!

I am of to San Antonio in about 2 hours. Don't know what the week will bring, but I'm looking forward to the challenges awaiting me!!!