I am a selfish person. I have known this about myself for a long time. I try not to be selfish, but I suppose that is a natural tendancy--you know, self preservation, and all.

There are people on this site that I wish I would write to more often in support, friendship, whatever. I think all of you are wonderfully interesting people. I read your blogs and I read some of your posts on the forums. I am not consistent in any of this and I wish I would be unselfish enough to reach out to each of you. But I don't.

One of my co-workers just had a hysdirectomy and EVERYBODY is pooling together to buy her stuff and we have all signed up to make her dinner one night. I was very annoyed by this--out of selfishness. My internal response: She's having a hysdirectomy, she didn't lose a limb or a family member! WTF??? Why don't we just send her a company boquet of flowers and leave her alone?

I know, pretty bad, eh? So, I hastily gave my $10 to the one other woman in our group who was spearheading the purchase of something for her. I told everyone in the meeting that I would want to just be left alone. I don't want more crap to fill up my house. Some of the guys agreed, but we HAVE to do something for her...whatever. I'm aweful. This has really been bothering me since Monday.

I am a very giving person, when it is something I choose to get behind. I just really hope nothing ever happens to me and the office tries to do "something nice" for me like that. Leave me alone and keep your crap. If you really want to part with your money and resources, devote it to a cause that really needs like it like a church, a homeless shelter, a crisis intervention center. I don't need your !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, anyway...glad I got that out. And it isn't about the $10. It is about what that money represents, and what better uses it could have been put to besides some fuzzy slippers and suntan lotion to someone who already has plenty. Grrrrrr.