I am feeling rather aimless at the moment. Not lost, exactly. More floating and being pushed along gently by the will of others...Like a leaf being carried downstream in a gently flowing river.

My boss labeled me our company's "Premier Consultant." He has been pushing me out as some sort of role model and telling me what I should and shouldn't do/say/respond/whatever. I'm not really sure what I think about that. I know I am very good at what I do and don't want to be a role model or a leader/manager. I'll admit to being a bit rough around the edges, even. This can be a good thing for me; but my natural response is to dig in my heels and not budge until I decide it is time. I'm trying to keep that in check right now and see where this path leads.

The management of our company is working VERY hard to grow our business. I love change--embrace it--thrive on it, even. At the same time, I am very happy with who I am and where I am in life. I could represent my company better. I know what I have to do, and change about myself, to get there. Not sure that I want to, though. Part of me does, part of me doesn't. A very large part of my appeal to our clients is my personality. The trick will be to refine myself without changing what our clients are so very attracted to--and pay GOOD money for. Knowledge and experience is only partially useful in my business. Delivery and people skills are of much greater importance.

Admitting you have a problem is half the battle, right? I've already changed my hair (from a few years ago) and started wearing makeup to polish the exterior. I don't like to shop. I REALLY don't like to shop. My clothes are nice, but they are multi-purpose. They could be a little more conservative for work. This means shopping. Shopping for clothes that I can only wear for work. This pains me. This is one of the things that I must do if I want to take myself to the next level, professionally. I also need to adjust my vocabulary for work. Some words do not belong in business. I know this and I need to quit using them. If I have to give them up, altogether, so be it. My personal and professional selves are the same right now. Perhaps I will have to develop a professional persona--because I don't want to change my personal side.

Bloom and grow, right?