Have you ever looked back at something that happened in your life a long time ago and it just randomly hits you as to how important that event was in defining who you are now? I came from a very broken and abusive family. We moved around a lot as kids (air force) and we were poor and I was always the fat kid. I left everything I knew when I was 19, looking for something better than what I had. It landed me in Houston (I am a Cali girl).

Shortly after I moved there, I met a guy. We ended up becoming best friends, but never really had any interest in "dating" each other. It was one of those things where we tried it, but it just felt like we were trying to force it, and it was all wrong. Anyway, his family took me in and made me one of their own. He had a "real" family. They liked each other. They lived really close to each other. They got together on weekends, just because they wanted to. They had a family lake house and the whole family went.

It was so completely opposite of anything I had ever seen or experienced and they became my surrogate family. When I got unexpectedly pregnant with my son, they threw my baby shower. They cooked for me when I was on bed rest those last few weeks of pregnancy. My friend drove me to the hospital the day I had my son and waited in the hallway until I gave birth. Because that is what they do and that is how he was raised. I remember wanting my family to be like that so strongly.

Fast forward 15 years, and I just realized that I have THAT family I wanted, because of them. It's been a lot of work getting here, but it is happening. And I am raising my children to love like that. I forgave my father for the past and worked on building a friendship with him. He honestly did the best he could, given how he was raised. I am still working on it with my Mom, though. She just left and didn’t try. I’m having a much harder time with that. Now that I am a mother, I simply do not understand how you just leave your children with someone who is abusive, bad with money, drunk and gone a lot.

At any rate, I am now finding myself in the position of surrogate mother…to my father’s current flavor of the week. Who, just for trivia, is young enough to be my daughter. Geez, I am that old to potentially be the mother of a 20 year old!?!?! At first, I found this unfortunate young woman annoying. Then, I started to feel sympathy for her and a desire to pass on the love that I was so unconditionally showered with when I was her age. Weird how circular life is sometimes, eh? I don’t believe that this girl has ever been unconditionally loved by anyone, ever. I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot save the world (finally). But, maybe I can make a bigger difference in smaller ways.