CWCEBMEY's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Mar 26 2008 - Went Way Over Calorie Target
View CWCEBMEY's food & exercise for this day
I went way over my calorie target yesterday. I wish I would have exercised yesterday, it would have helped. I do well for a while, then I get tired of being good and begin to eat whatever I want. Not because I'm rewarding myself with food for being good and sticking to my calorie target, but because I just don't want to count any more. I don't want to think. I don't want to plan. I don't want to choose between eating healthy and just eating because it tastes good.
I denied myself all sweets for Lent. Then Easter came and I had some candy. Not a lot, but some jelly beans and a couple of Reese's Peanutbutter Eggs.
Then on Monday, more Easter candy, but I did exercise. Tuesday wasn't much better, but I did not exercise. There is a trend, and I should stop it now. But a part of me doesn't want to and I'm not sure why. I think I'm just tired of all this. I stick to eating healthy, tracking my calories and working out, but the results are slim to none. I give up and do what I want, and the results are big time weight gain.
My 30 year high school reunion is the May 30-June 1. I'm ashamed to go because of my weight. I do not want anyone to see me. My nickname in highschool was skins because I was so skinny. I can't go and will come up with some excuse as to why the date won't work for me.
Last night, one of my highschool friends called me and ask me if I was going. I said that I wasn't sure. But she was really pushing to get together with me and the old gang. But I just don't want to go. I don't want anyone to see me.
You would think that feeling this way would motivate me to lose the weight, but it doesn't. I just want to give up. The weather is gloomy outside and that's what I'm feeling right now.
I'm going to have to go back to my happy thoughts and happy place. And when I get there, I still won't want to go to my highschool reunion, because regardless of how I feel, I will still be fat. I will still feel ashamed of the way I look. Regardless of how I feel as a person, who I am as a mother, a worker, a wife, a sister, a friend, etc. . . . I will still feel ashamed of my weight.
I'm going to listen to my happy music as a beginning of my happy thought process. I don't have a happy thought yet.
UPDATE
3:00 and I'm still not thinking positive thoughts. But I'm lost in my work, which is good. Keeping busy is good, it keeps me away from food and making bad decisions.
I denied myself all sweets for Lent. Then Easter came and I had some candy. Not a lot, but some jelly beans and a couple of Reese's Peanutbutter Eggs.
Then on Monday, more Easter candy, but I did exercise. Tuesday wasn't much better, but I did not exercise. There is a trend, and I should stop it now. But a part of me doesn't want to and I'm not sure why. I think I'm just tired of all this. I stick to eating healthy, tracking my calories and working out, but the results are slim to none. I give up and do what I want, and the results are big time weight gain.
My 30 year high school reunion is the May 30-June 1. I'm ashamed to go because of my weight. I do not want anyone to see me. My nickname in highschool was skins because I was so skinny. I can't go and will come up with some excuse as to why the date won't work for me.
Last night, one of my highschool friends called me and ask me if I was going. I said that I wasn't sure. But she was really pushing to get together with me and the old gang. But I just don't want to go. I don't want anyone to see me.
You would think that feeling this way would motivate me to lose the weight, but it doesn't. I just want to give up. The weather is gloomy outside and that's what I'm feeling right now.
I'm going to have to go back to my happy thoughts and happy place. And when I get there, I still won't want to go to my highschool reunion, because regardless of how I feel, I will still be fat. I will still feel ashamed of the way I look. Regardless of how I feel as a person, who I am as a mother, a worker, a wife, a sister, a friend, etc. . . . I will still feel ashamed of my weight.
I'm going to listen to my happy music as a beginning of my happy thought process. I don't have a happy thought yet.
UPDATE
3:00 and I'm still not thinking positive thoughts. But I'm lost in my work, which is good. Keeping busy is good, it keeps me away from food and making bad decisions.
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