Today has been a VERY stressful day. My financial aid is STILL screwed up and I'm broke as hell. Granted, I do have a job that I start tomorrow, I need money NOW. I need gas, I need food, and it's really bothering me! I work so hard to have myself taken care and its like no matter how hard I try it just doesn't work. I'm trying to get my degree and do well, but I still struggle. I'd ask my mom, but she has her own stress and she doesn't have money to deal with my broke ass and my dad, he might as well be nonexistent. I just get so sick of struggling. It's not right. Why do I always have to go through the hard times?! Why does everyone else seem to have it so much easier and I always have to struggle. I just don't get it.

And on top of all this, tomorrow is my check in and i'm afraid my stress is going to make the pounds grudgingly come off. I went and worked out today even though i didn't feel like it because i was so agitated and that was ok and i'm really trying to stay focused on my food despite the stress, but its been tough today. I haven't cheated today and i have a goal for myself that once i get to 285 I can get a double cheeseburger and small fry but i don't know if i'm going to take myself up on it, esp if i have NO MONEY! I just wish I could get slapped in the face with like a hundred dollars so i wouldn't feel so useless and so down. Oh, on top of that, one of my good friends from high school is geting married and for some reason i was kind of sad that she didn't ask me to be in her bridal party. I mean, granted we arent' THAT close but i guess i've always wanted to be in a wedding but oh well. Hopefully one day! I'm only 21 anyways so i'm not going to get too discouraged. It's just been a really rough day. I'm so agitated. I need money.

Oh and on top of all this, one of my guy friends has been tryin to play me (i think). I just that actions speak louder than words and his actions speak MUCH louder than words. It's aggravating me and i think i need to just tell him that i'm not on the games. I need to focus on me and not on anyone else. FREEDOM IS CALLING. Man am I hungry. I think I am about to eat a No Pudge bar. I love those things! Ithink that's the only thing that can make me smile today...


My answers to week 3 questions (because I think they would be beneficial to answer):

What does losing weight mean to me?
Losing weight means that I will be healthier, reduce my risk of hereditary diabetes, be more active, and have a wider variety of things i can do in life.
What are the rewards?
The rewards of losing weight are not having to shop in plus sized stores, being able to wear knee-high boots, to be able to be more active, and to enjoy life w/o weight restrictions
What will gaining or not losing weight mean to me?
It will mean that either (a), I have plateaued or (b) I am not sticking to my program closely or (c) I need to increase my cardio
What are the consequences if I don’t lose weight?
I will fall back into the cycle of yo-yo dieting and gain back double what I have lost and become a diabetic as well becoming less and less active at a young age
Do you have an idea of a specific goal weight? If yes, what is it?
My current goal is between 180, but I think I am changing it to 160. That would be a healthy weight for me. I wouldn't be too small, but i would be just right. I would love to be able to cross my legs, fit comfortably into school desks, and have a wider variety of clothes to wear.