This process is SO hard. I feel like I'm an addict and I'm trying not to give in to the drugs (not that I ever have been an addict - i'm watching "True Life, I'm a Meth Addict" ) . This is just so hard. I want to do this and succeed SO BAD, but it's just so hard. I hate being this size, I hate being fat, I hate that I let myself get here. I want to be a certain number SO bad I want to just be there tomorrow and this is just SUCH a LONG process. It's requiring me to dig so deep into myself and to find my triggers and deal with things I haven't wanted to deal with. I am so stressed about this process and other things in my life it's so hard to stay motivated. I know that a double cheeseburger or some fried chicken won't make me feel better, but I don't know what I can do to make myself feel more inspired and happier. Granted, it's been six weeks and I've lost 23 lbs, I am so scared to plateau, I am so scared to stop seeing progress. I don't want to fail. I want to feel and look beautiful again. I miss it so much. It's like, I was there briefly and now I'm so far from it I don't even know if it's possible to get there again. I want to fast forward SO bad and just be 210 tomorrow and only have 30 more pounds to go, but I know that to have success you nheed to work hard. I just am scared of failure. I want this so bad, I'm just so stressed right now. Somehow, I've got to break this vicious cycle!


New Goals for myself:
Thanksgiving: - 30 lbs (266 lbs)
Trip to VA (Dec 16) - 35 lbs (261 lbs)
New Years - 40 lbs (256 lbs)
Valentines Day - 50 lbs (246 lbs)
Brother's Birthday - 60 lbs (236 lbs)
MY 22nd BIRTHDAY - 70 lbs (226 lbs)
Mom's B-day - 86 lbs (210 lbs)
July 4th - 96 lbs (200 lbs)
August 1st - 105 lbs (193 lbs)
September 1st - 110 lbs (186 lbs)
OCTOBER 1ST - 116 LBS! (180 lbs)