Yesterday, an R&B legend - Gerald Levert - died at the ripe age of 40 due to a heart attack. Its so sad that a man of such raw talent and charisma passed away at such a young age. You never realize how precious and unpredictable life is until life is unexpectedly taken away. His untimely death made me realize that, if I were to stay on the track I was on, I may have followed his footsteps. I'm 21, and i don't want to think that I could be halfway done with my life! MY father is 48 and he is Gerald Levert's size and probably has many of the same health issues as Levert did (although I don't know Levert's healthy history). It's crazy to think my father may not make it to 50 at the rate he's going. He's got diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and it's just crazy that - with all of these health issues - you wouldn't want to capitalize on the opportunity to get healthy and live a longer and fulfilling life. Being his daughter, I already have pre-diabetes and I don't want to find myself in his shoes. Even though this can be an emotionally challenging journey, I constantly remind myself that I don't want to waddle, I don't want to have to wear a mask to sleep to make sure I am breathing, I don't want to take daily insulin injections. I want to live with little interruption.

On a side note, I'm pretty stressed out about my car because my brake light is on and I can't understand why. I've checked to make sure my emergency brake isn't on, but when I put it down, it screeches. So, Monday, I am going to take it somewhere so I can try to see if they can tell me what's wrong but I have reservations about taking it somewhere if I can't pay for it to get fixed, ya know? I don't want my brakes to give out on me while I'm driving. I'm going to have to get that taken care of before I go home for T-giving break. I just hope whatever it is, it's not too expensive. I regret SO MUCH runing my credit my freshman year of college. It's has totally made my life so much more difficult than necessary. Oh well, I guess you live and you learn, right? Anywho, I'm going to go do something as opposed to being stressed out so I don't freak out. LoL

Ok, one more thing. So I'm really annoyed with thinking I'm not "eating enough". I don't starve myself, I eat regular meals and snacks and I just don't get it. So here's what I HAVE come up with: ON days I don't work out, I stick to 1200 calories. On days I DO work out, I'll try to eat 1500 and more. To me ,I think that's really good. And also, instead of thinking that eating 1500+ calories would mean i'd have to eat tons of fat, i'm trying to consume the extra calories in fruit and veggies. I also revamped my dry erase board with motivational goals and quotes to keep me on track. I just get frustrated because i don't want to starve my body whatsoever. It's OK though, I'm still 2 months into this, so I'm sure I'll learn a lot more as I continue.