Yesterday, I was having a huge breakdown. When I lose weight, usually I get to a certain point and I get overwhelmed and want to quit. I was ready to go binge my ass off yesterday. My new 2nd job had been stressing me out hardcore and it had been affecting my eating habits where I was getting by for the past week with barely 1200 calories. I'd work my first job 9 -3, come home and eat lunch, then go to my second job from 4 til whenever. I'd get home around 10 or 11pm and have to find away to consume 400 calories before I went to bed, get up at 8am and do it all over again. Well, I pleaded with my 2nd job for a day off so I could regain my sanity and just have some free time! Today, I went to get my check and I am having a great day (not just because I got paid)! I totally don't feel defeated by myself anymore. I never thought that saying it to myself what be true, but there is really no reason to give up on myself! I've worked hard to lose the (nearly) 40lbs I've lost already, why would I want to give up now?! I'd also been frustrated because I didn't have money to get food, but now I'll be able to go grocery shopping today (yay). I've also decided that my Xmas present to myself will be to get 12 sessions from a personal trainer at my school. I'm going to do 1 session a week interspersed with my own workouts. That adds 3 more months of motivation AND added help.

Plus, lately I've been getting TONS of compliments on my accomplishments and also I am starting to see (and feel) the difference! I have tons more energy now and I am really proud of myself! Plus, I keep thinking "in 10 more lbs, I'll be at 50" and "in 30 more lbs, I'll be at 70" so it's all positive progress at this point! I HAVE to tell myself that I CAN do this! I don't want to be "fat" anymore. Curvy yes, fat no. Me staying fat is me saying I don't care about myself. I wasn't going to work out today, but I think I may. I miss the fitness center. Anywho, thats enough of my rant. As Wendy used to say on CFC, I'M IN THE FIRE FIGHT!!!!! (well at least I think thats what she said)