12:56am
It's so funny how different artists and songs represent different emotions and different stages of life. For instance, Jill Scott represents my romantic, strong, beautiful, and empowered side. India.Arie, on the other hand, represents me wanting to be a better person and overcoming the obstacles I've faced in my life. And it's weird, just about any time I listen to India.Arie in moments like this, I usually cry. Not for any particular reason, just kind of as a spiritual cleansing. Her "newest" CD, Testimony Vol.1 has been so incredibly inspiring and motivational in terms of healing a lot in the past few months. It's helped me come to terms with the anger I have towards my father. I'm still attempting to accept him for all of his past and current mistakes, and India helps me go through all the stages. It helps me deal with forgiveness, in believing in myself, all that! When I first bought the CD, I didn't really like it - I think it's because there was too much truth for me at the time. I remember a night before I left for school, I was living at my mom's house and she was out somewhere and i was just drinking to numb the pain & listening to the CD and I started balling. I could not control myself. I think now that I'm healthier spiritually, emotionally, and physically, I am more in control and I am OK with the hand I've been dealt and actually dealing - whereas before I ran from it.
Now Jill Scott on the other hand, she channels the part of me that is very independent and sensual. The part of me that doesn't need a man to becomplete, is beautiful and knows it, and just walks with the certain "pep" in her step that others don't understand. I listen to her and I feel a certain kind of strength and vulnerability simultaneously. It's like, I can handle my own and take care of myself, but I'm not afraid to surrender. I love it. I wish we could put music on these things, because I would (duh).

My lyrics for the night:
The Fact Is (I Need You), by Jill Scott
I can be a congresswoman
or a garbage woman
or police officer, or a carpenter
I can be a doctor, and a lawyer, and a mother
and a "Good-God, Woman-What-You-Done-To-Me" kinda lover
I can be a computer analyst
The queen with the nappy hair raising the fist
I can be much more in the myriad of this
hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
and even though I can do all of these things
I need you...


THE ULTIMATE EMPOWERED WOMAN'S SONG SIGNIFYING HER MOMENT OF VULNERABILITY!!

1:09pm
OMG, i just went to Old Navy and spent WAY over my weekend budget. I was just going to buy shoes but I took my stupid butt to Old Navy & they had 50% outerware and they had the HOTTEST trench coat with a belt and it was only $40!! I had to get it, it was so clutch. Now I have like, $30 to get me to next Friday but luckily I don't really need anything. It is SO official! I love it. I got it in an XL so that it's a little snug, but still wearable until I lose more inches and it fits perfectly . I was in line with the XXL but I decided to go try to XL and sure enough it fit, it was just a little tight. So I figure it would be smarter to get a jacket a smidge too small since I AM shrinking rather than get one that fits my fat just right and then in a few months doesn't fit properly. So, I'm excited. I look so freakin official. So classy. I love it. I can't wait to actually wear it out of the house now!!!