So I just erased my whole blog. I didn't feel like reading it anymore. I seem so desperate and so helpless. I am having another phase where I feel fine. At this point, if its meant to happen, it will. If not, I'll be sad, but I guess I'll be forced to move on. Anywho, I guess now i am just reaching out for friends and people to talk to (and not just partner prospects). Life will be OK. Anywho, I really don't have anything exciting to talk about. I packed a lot of my stuff up today (although I am not going to be able to leave until next week). I'm ready to make the move! I finally ate (yipee! :clap and I'm even thinking about dinner! What to eat, what to eat. Tomorrow is weigh in and my eating habits have been grotesque lately so I'm not really concerned with what the scale says. I'm worried about my metabolism and making sure i get it back together so I can keep winning this fight. I can say that I have a lot of wonderful CK friends here who have been UBER supportive. I just wanted to say quickly I am SO THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for all of your love and support during this stressful time. I'm going to copy Mr. 290 really quick but, I just want to let ALL my CK loves know - without naming them specifically - that I am SO grateful for you! I know I've never physically met any of you (yet - there's hope!), but your impact is dynamic nonetheless.

Alright, that was my emotional moment. So, I am going to spend New Years with my brothers and i am pretty excited - or at least I'm telling myself I am. I just need to know that this situation will pass and in the end, God's will WILL be done.

So, VA was a lot of fun (ive been so stressed with ex drama I havent really been able to appreciate my VA trip). I went boozing with my old basketball coach (he bought all but 2 of my drinks, had to have been AT LEAST a $300 tab - oh well, I didn't pay) and that was fun. One of my friends spilled a beer on him and he gos "I bet you guys are thinking 'pay back is a b****". Honestly, I was drunk and flirty and didn't notice, but I guess since he put in perspective, HE** YEA PAYBACK IS A B****! LoL He was a very...hmmm...mentally challenging coach. He ruined our self-esteem single handedly, but once you left the program (and esp if you played bball in college -double bonus) he was IN LOVE! I mean baby making love. And if you were skinny and blonde?! Whoa, put the chastity on. (I'm sorry inappropriate I know). Anywho, so I had a lot of fun hanging out with my old teammates there. Then I hung out with my best friend who is a stand up comic (imagine that) and we somehow got on the topic of Christians being unchristian-like during Christmas, so we proposed the idea that next year, we would attempt to replace the Santa-sitting stations with a Mary, Joseph, and Jesus-sitting station. I don't know if thats considered blasphemous, but we thought it was funny. I honestly don't even know the real meaning of blasphemous, so yea, maybe I should pull out my dictionary.

Oh yea! My mom has a new "man friend" and she is like 16 all over again. Imagine this: ME - in the middle of a semi-break up- is giving my 47-year-old mother man advice?! I must admit, I have great advice, but it was kinda awkward. I my mom to death. She is so awesome. She and I are like sister girlfriends. LoL I bought her these hott hooker boots (not quite hooker, just high for her age) and she just thought she was UNTOUCHABLE in those boots! I was like, Oh Lord, bring her head back down". Gotta love moms. Alright, I swear I'm done blogging for now! sike