10:57pm
I'm moving tomorrow. It's kind of weird because I was so excited and ready to do it. Now I'm just mad as hell and I'm sad and I can't believe its happening. It feels like I'm going through a divorce. Having to split your stuff up, determine what is whos and what not. I'm just pissed at ex for giving up on us. I'm pissed at ex for making me go through this so I can live a fulfulling life. I am just angry. I'm also mad because I have to call off work tomorrow so I'll only get paid for 7 hours next friday. Whoopity doo. SEVEN MEASILY HOURS! I am just really angry. I am ready to get this over with. I hope ex is happy with the decision. Because in the end I think ex will hurt more than me. Whatever. I need to finish packing. Later gators.

9:19pm
You know the song Napoleon dances to during Pedro's speech in Napoleon Dynamite? Well I downloaded it and it is actually very inspirational! I love it and I've listened to it about five times. I Jamiroquai. So creative.

DANCE!
Nothing else for me to do but
DANCE!
All these bad times I'm going through just
DANCE!
Got canned heat in my heels tonight baby
CUZ IM GONNA MAKE IT ANYWAY!

Gotta love the accidental favorite songs!

So I went to workout today for the first time in ages and it felt so good! I can't wait to get a new MP3 player so I can start anew with my songs. I was in there all pumped on the Arc Trainer and people were looking at me like "is she going to be OK?!" lol. It was really intense. I only had 40 minutes because I had to be at work so I really wanted to make sure I pushed it! So excited. I can't wait to go tomorrow. I'm also going to visit my brothers tomorrow which I am very excited about. I love my brothers and they always make me smile. I called my bro Derrick tonight (after an emotional episode) and he was so sweet and i know that they are there for me. I my family. I need to call my mom tonight. Tonight, I ate 3 tacos from taco bell, not all that exciting, but the mall chinese people werent taking debit cards and it really pissed me off and thats all i could think to get cuz i was NOT in the mood for a fast food sandwich. I'm going to have to go buy some good food for my stay at my bros this weekend and I'm actually going to do my damn Tae Bo too. i didn't buy that damn DVD for nothing! It's going to be OK Denita! It is!

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At my work study job, my co-workers got me a Wright State hoodie and I was seriously emotional (I know, I know, its just a hoodie). Well, I didn't get anything for christmas because my parents are getting divorced and didn't have money to really get us anything. Plus, I just transferred here and didn't have any school apparrel like t-shirts or anything. And college sweatshirts aren't cheap! It meant a lot to me that they got me a sweatshirt. This is me workin it!

I've gotta shake this. Anywho, so this AM was weigh in and I was 250.2 lbs. I'm not sure what the hell is going on in my body, but I just know it feels a lot better to lose weight when you are working at it. When it's by accident, it's not the same. I like to feel the changes. So I am anxious to work out (somehow, because I work tonight and tomorrow and I am going to Wittenberg on Saturday to hang with my bros for the weekend) because my body needs it! I guess I met my goal of 250 by New Years though, which is really exciting. So it's like, when I start the New Year, I am starting where I was when I first started losing weight and I am SO amped! I am not sure if I'll start gaining weight once i start eating regularly, but its all about being healthy at this point.

I am moving out next week [hopefully - keep your fingers crossed] and I am really looking forward to that because it really signifies a new chapter in my life. I'll be in my own space, I'll have plenty of time for self-reflection, and I'll be able to just start over. I am excited. I wish I could do it now, but as mommy says, "even though you want it now, God wants you to deal with it so you appreciate it that much more when you get it". I love my mom. She always has something good to day.

I am interested to see all the new faces on CK after New Years, since everyone will be making their "resolutions". I don't know, it's kinda weird because, although I have no room to judge, it's like there are people here who started on August 2nd or April 23rd and these people joined because they were ready to lose weight, not just cuz it was New Years. I dunno, maybe New Years is added motivation. I just hope that all these new faces I feel we are about to see are actually in this fight to be healthy and not just for the fad. Who am I to judge though?

I really need to go out and meet some friends. It's so funny that I am this sociable, fun, crazy girl but I don't know how to go and make friends. I go out and go in a shell and don't know how to mingle. I think spending more time with my brothers will help me. They are uber-charasmatic. So, we'll see. Life is going to go on, I just have to believe it for myself.