Day 10 of 142
Uh yea. I've been having REALLY bad McD cravings lately! Last night, I got a double cheeseburger and McChicken and - while they were just as fabulous as the night before -I Know i don't need to be eating this junk. I guess I just needed to get it out of my system. It's been a while since I've eaten like that, but I dunno. It was just weird. I am ready to stop being careless. This AM I was 247.2 and I'm sure some of that is salt, but I'm also sure some of that is just fat gained back. I can't be satisfied at 246. I have to keep going and I need to not be satisfied and become complacent. I need to fight this complacency.

I'm watching some soap opera out of the corner of my eye. I'd heard the story of a soap opera having a "transgendered" character and I'm pretty sure this guy is the character, but this makeup/Meatloaf mask is hardly an accurate portrayal of transgendered people. It annoys me when attempting to be more "socially encompassing" means dressing a minority in costume to try please the audience. I'm not pleas

Anywho, so last night I didnt go to bed because I was too busy watching Mythbusters & Intervention. I Intervention for some reason. It's just a very compelling show. I could not imagine dealing with the demons of addiction to drugs. I mean, sure you can say food addiction is bad, but dealing with a drug habit just seems absolutely surreal to me. Honestly, even if I ever got the urge to TRY drugs, I'd be too scared to end up like those people. I guess that's good enough reason to not do them.

This AM, I got the cutest phone call! So my new "friend" Lauren called me this AM at like 7:30. I heard the ringtone and I was like, "am I dreaming?!" and low and behold, it was him! He just said, "I know you're asleep, but I just wanted to let you know i'm thinking about you". I was like, "um, do you want to just marry me now?! Is that cool". No I didn't say that but I did smile for about 12 seconds. Then we got off the phone and I almost didn't go back to sleep, but then I did. I hate waking up late because it makes me feel like I'm wasting the day and its so hard to get in the groove when you're up at 11am or 12pm.

Anywho, I have to go to an outing with ex. Later gators!!

5:00 pm
OH MY GOD!! I can't stop eating. I feel hungry like every five seconds. i don't know whats wrong with me. I need to stop eating. I need to take these damn reduced fat ruffles out of my house ASAP. I need discipline. I'm starting to get really annoyed with myself. I need to stop. $h!t! d@mn I need to $top! $top! $top!