WOW! Can we just say the funniest thing happened to me on the way home from working out?! So I'm walking back home in the tunnels (my school has underground tunnels that you can walk in instead of weathering the cold) and this guy was like STARING at me. So, I'm like, I'll just say hi so he'll get out of my face. So I'm like, "hello" and this guy is like "hello, hello, hello, sweetie come here". I'm like, Oh Lord. So this guy is like, "damn, I just HAD To stop you and say hello. You are absolutely beautiful". I'm like, um, thanks (Mind you, my self-esteem has been IN THE TUBES TODAY)?! SO I stop and talk (cuz i don't have anything better to do) and he's like "damn, girl you are so pretty. I can't leave you but i know i need to" and all this $h!t and he was TOTALLY stroking my ego. So then he was like "baby, I need to see you again" and so, being nice, i gave him my number (I kinda regret it now) and he was like I'ma call you because I need to see you again. Whatever. THEN! Line of the century: You KNOW he's a loser when he says:

Alright baby, so I'm a go to my momma's house, cuz she's the only one I know with long distance, and when you see my number and hear my voice, I'ma hang up and you call back

So, needless to say, on a day when I felt uber low, so random guy in the tunnels makes me feel pretty! Sure he was random, was missing a tooth, and was a SMIDGE touchy feely, but it was still fun nonetheless. Alright, enough about that.

Kick boxing never happened. The instructor never showed. I was pissed because I had done 25 mins on the elliptical, and i could have kept going had known she woulda been no-show. But whatever, once the class never happened, I just went and did 25 more minutes on the elliptical. The last 25 minutes was actually better than the first 25. But at least I got my workout in!

So today is ending better than it started. To a better day tomorrow!!!

Day 30 of 142

Warning: I needed to vent

I can't remember what day it is and I am too lazy to find out. Today isn't a good day. I'm not in a very good mood. I am extremely moody and touchy and just don't feel like being bothered. I feel totally unsatisfied with everything today. I'm sick of looking at my fat a$$ in the mirror. Every time i look at myself, its like I get fatter. I'm just so annoyed. I'm sick of dealing with the same ppl in terms of relationships & $h!t. Why can't I just find someone new?! I'm so sick of being fat. I'm so sick of feeling ugly and worthless. This process is annoying me. I'm sick of being at school. I'm sick of not feeling good enough for everyone else, especially not myself.

I'm just so ANNOYED! Today, I was walking to class and usually I make up a song to the beat of my stride, and today's song was "i'm still so fat". I feel gross. I wish it would just go away. I want to eat it all away and just go to sleep and wake up and all the anger & pain from my past would be gone. It's like I'm spinning and I can't stop and just breathe. I'm caught up in trying to take on too much to not deal with whats really going on. I feel like I'm just going through the motions and I'm just not happy. I want to feel content with my life and like I've accomplished something and like it's all worth while but I'm just not getting that sensation today.

I'll write more later. I have to get ready for class x 2 & my workout.