Day 33 of 142

Weigh in was absolutely fabulous today! 237.4!! My body is a freak of nature. Some weeks are slow, and then I'll randomly have this crazy kick and I'll lose hella. It's not even like it's salt, because my salt's been higher than normal lately. But anywho - back to this AM - although the scale said 5 different numbers, I chose the second biggest number, just so I could have more wiggle room for next weigh-in. First 237.8. Second & Third 236.6. Fourth. 236.8. Fifth. 237.4. So yea, I'M JUST ABOUT AT -60!!! How exciting. I can't wait to go home in March (hopefully -70) to see my mom! I know she'll be proud of my regardless.

So I had my interview this AM and I think it went well. One of my MAJOR interview issues is I talk SUPER fast when I'm nervous. I know that though, so I always make a joke about it in the interview so they know I know I talk fast. They seemed to enjoy me so hopefully it went well! I told them about how much weight I've lost because I think that will show my motivation and drive. Hopefully it will work in my favor. I think that I came across as too much a perfectionist, but luckily I still have another interview on Saturday (the group process interview) so hopefully I can showcase my "human" side on Saturday. I'm nervous though, because I don't know 1) if they'll feed us and 2)if they do feed us, what will be on the menu. Oh well, one crappy meal won't hurt. I just really hope I did well enough to get the job! I still don't know if I'd accept the job, but I want the option to choose rather than be told I can't, ya know? I find out if I got it February 22, so after Saturday, I have a whole week left to worry about shoulda,coulda, wouldas. Oh well, as my co-worker said, you can't change the past, right?

I don't know what it is, but I feel like - all of a sudden - I appear more approachable and likable. Like today, i was walking in the tunnels and this girl just said "I like your shirt". I don't know why that was a big deal to me, but it's like, when you're big, all people see is your size. When you're smaller, ppl can appreciate what you have on and stuff. I think. I dunno, it's just a really weird transition to all of a sudden seem like a member of society and not just be the fat girl in the corner. I looked at myself in the mirror at work in my interview outfit, and I mean, I look different. Sometimes, I feel like I'm not the same person anymore. And sometimes I feel like my weight loss defines who I am right now. When do you get to a point when you don't need accomplishments and failures to define you?? I guess for so long, my "worth" in my family was dependent of my successes and failures, that's what I'm used to. I just feel really weird and awkward.

Another thing, on the contrary, is that now when I look at myself, i see a body that I've worked hard for. But then I wonder, "do people still see me as a fat girl?". I almost wish I could wear a sign so i don't have to be perceived as some fat, lazy girl who doesn't take care of herself. Here I go again, always worrying about what other people thing. I tell you, if i could get over that - always worrying about how i am perceived - i'd be a relaxed mofo.

On a side note, I am going to visit my dad in STL ( Rinney Pooh!!) in March. I believe March 17-19. I'm excited not only to see my dad and see him in his new crib, but also to hopefully meet my MOMOFHARRY!! That should be a fun trip. It would be nice to leave on that trip -70, but I won't hold my breath.

Anyways, there's a lot to look forward to! Have a fabulous day ez!!