So yesterday I decided I need to chill on the weight loss. I don't know what exactly "chilling" entails, but I need to stop stressing about the numbers on the scale and being prettier and smaller for other people and really just focus on myself. I'd been trying so hard to get smaller to be more attractive & get more attention, but the reality of the situation is that if I don't feel it for myself then all of the work doesn't matter. So I need to just take a step back from being "all about the weight" and just try to live life. Like I said, I don't know what that entails because I still want to eat OK and I still want to work out, I just need to re-evaluate my goals and make sure when I reach my goal it's for the right reasons and that it's something I'll be proud of first and foremost, and then have everyone praise me later . I also changed my goal weight from 180 to 190. In all honesty, if I got to 205 I think I'd be content, but i just want to be under 200 for the first time in...years. Besides, I've lost about 60 lbs in 5 months: even if I stayed where I'm at for another month, I'd still be in good shape. But - even if it's for a week or two - i'm just not going to stress so much about my weight and try to focus on getting myself mentally stable to continue to lose weight. I don't want to just "go through the motions" anymore. I want to feel good about my choices and feel good about my progress and I think I am on track to do that.

Yesterday ended on a positive note. I made ex some deviled eggs last night (he Deviled eggs & hasn't had the chance to eat them since he's been home) and he really appreciated it. Then we ordered a pizza (that was fabulous - just what the doctor ordered) Me & ex are...weird. We talk about "us" and part of me misses that and wants that again, but another part of me just has to see what else could be out there. I'm not rushing into anything and I most certainly am NOT in the mindset to be in a serious relationship right now.

I really need my tax refund because I am soooooo broke! LoL i keep checking the tax site I used (Thanks Mini Bob for the suggestion in one of your forums ) and the IRS site and I have two diff days that are 4 days apart : I'm praying for the earlier one. I decided that I'm going to treat myself to a digital camera/camcorder & then save the rest. My birthday is coming up in two months AND I'm going to visit my dad so there's plenty of time to get presents

I got my face dressed up today (& put on the same shirt from yesterday) and I feel kinda purrty. I look at myself in the mirror & I'm not really ashamed of my body anymore. It looks good. There are still things I'd like to change, but I think I've got plenty of time to work on that. One thing I know now is that I can do it. When it's time for me to get serious again about this (which will probably be next week or in a couple days), I'll jump back on. But I just need some "me" time. And in the long run, I think it will have been the most beneficial "me" time in a while.

to all my CK lovelies!! Have a fabulous Friday Eve!