3 more days! 3 more days!

This may be my last blog as a 21 year old. My mom is coming to visit this weekend so I doubt I will be able to blog this weekend. I'm still not very excited about my birthday. I mean, I'm slightly excited, but not like "I'm turning 16/18/21" excitement. Nothing exciting happens this year! I guess I just get another notch added to my belt of life! WooHoo.

Anywho, so yesterday morning I weighed at 229.4 I was so pumped. I was determined that even though I had my program that I was not going to break the cycle. Well I lied. the program last night was pretty successful. I had 6 kids show and the ones who did show got really into it. I got pizza, cookies & diet cookies, doritos, & soda = the diet of a college student. Needless to say, everyone who came seemed to have a good time and the floor looks MUCH better. It started at 6 and I didn't get done until 9:30! I was pooped by the end of it. My creative juices drained me. The whole time I was like "if I get a marker on these nails I'll kill someone" but luckily I didn't. I think the floor turned out well though! I was proud of it. I had two pizzas left and I had only had one piece throughout the program so I told myself I could have 2 pieces of pizza and a cookie. Well, by the end of the night, I had 4 pieces of pizza and 4 cookies. Yea, you'll have that. I dunno what it was, I think I got this weird feeling that "i'd never eat papa john's again" so i just decided to eat til i was sick of it. I was so pissed at myself because the 3rd & 4th pieces of pizza & cookie weren't even fulfilling, they really pissed me off! I knew I shouldn't have it eaten it, but what goes down can't come up so I just had to suck it up. I was so tired last night but somehow I managed to stay up all night and watch Inside The Actor's Studio with Dave Chappelle and I managed to crack myself to sleep (lol, not crack like crack myself up). It's crazy because me & Dave Chappelle both grew up in OH and DC and it was interesting. He is so funny though. OMG. I could go on & on. Then Whoppi Goldberg came on afterwards and she was more socially enlightening than funny. It must be a generational thing.

Anywho, so today I got on the scale and I was RIGHT BACK in the 230s. 231.2. Damn. I miss the 220s! It's OK, I've got a different workout planned today thats more treadmill based than Arc Trainer based so hopefully my metab responds to it! We'll see. I'm not going to lie, I'm scared $h!tless about food this weekend. My mom & brothers really could care less and its like i try so hard to be "right" that eventually I just say "f**k it" and go with their habits. It's so hard. I really want to do well, but its bday weekend and family so Lord knows what the scale will say Tuesday. I do know that i WILL if anything, have a good breakfast EVERY DAY of my Fiber One, banana, & raisins. That's the least I can do for myself.

So I am having an image crisis. I have NO IDEA what my body looks like. One minute I look "smaller" the next I look like a moo moo - I can't figure it out! I really just want to get to my goal weight so there's no question that I am fabulous. I hate questioning my fabulousness. It's just some days it wanes. One of these days it'll be a permanent fixture in my life.

Well, I'll probably write more later but I'm on office hours and my director keeps walking in AND this keyboard is really loud & its annoying me.

on a side note
I don't know why this is the only "good" friday, EVERY Friday is good to me!!