DBRAZIEL's CalorieKing blog
Tuesday, May 1 2007 - A look into this life of mine...
View DBRAZIEL's food & exercise for this day
So last night, I had this dream that Calorie King had like a gym or something, and inside the gym I saw Cynthia, Corrine, Monica, Bekka, Ashley, Joey & Kent, etc. Hmmm. I'm going to start believing I really am certified crazy if I don't stop having these nutso dreams! 
happy one year anniversary Corrine! You inspire me daily to keep on going!!
Today is OK. I had a great workout yesterday, but unfortunately the scale didn't drop as much as I would have liked it to. I don't know if I'm going to weigh in this Thursday because I have a feeling I'll be discouraged. I'm anxious to continue training for my 5K, but for some reason, I just feel like I'm not making any forward progress. Any runners out there, tell me what I'm doing wrong:
Monday/Wednesday/Friday - 30 mins Arc Trainer; 30 mins Tready
Tues/Thurs - 45 mins Arc Trainer; 20 mins Tready
30 min Tready days
5 min - 4.0 walk
5 - 12 mins - 5.0-5.4 run
5 min - 3.5 walk
5-8min 5.0-5.3 run
5 min 3.5/4.0 walk
20 min Tready Days
5 min, 4.0 walk
5-10 min, 5.0-5.4 run
5 min 3.5 walk
What should I be doing differently to prepare myself for this race? I still have 7.5 weeks left, and I feel like if I continue to work on my stamina in 2-5 minute intervals, I'll soon be able to run an entire 3.1 miles. Also, I'm not comfortable yet running outside (which I think will make running drastically different - and easier) so I don't know if training on the tready is counterproductive or what. I think by June I'd be ready to start running outside, but I'm just not too sure yet. Help me runners!
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Yea, other than working out and attempting to get back on my eating schedule, things are going alright over here! yesterday I was inadvertently forced to deal with something that happened to me three years ago that I had kinda brushed off and I'm not quite sure what to make out of it.
I can't believe I'm opening up about this, but I guess I feel like being open about my past will help me heal and maybe resonate (sic) with someone else who has been through a struggle. I left Wittenberg (my original college) in 2005 because I was depressed and miserable. The real reason I left however, is because, in 2004, I was taken advantage of by a male "friend". Unfortunately, alcohol was involved and a lot of people, including my parents and doctors, told me that i "put myself in the situation". Well, the next school year I returned to school in my new dorm and discovered that this guy lived in the same dorm as me and I was furious because the people at my school assured me that I'd be safe and away from this indivudal. Well, they inevitably moved me to my own room. At first I thought it was a good thing, but it really became a sanctuary for self-loathing, self-abuse, and anger. Anger not just from the situation, but from life period. I turned to my only vice - alcohol - and attempted to drink myself to death several times. This same year is also when I lost 40 lbs for basketball because my coach told me if I lost weight, I'd get more playing time. Well, soon enough, I had had enough. I couldn't live in that poisonous atmosphere and that is the real reason why I left school.
Well, last night, My best friend and I had a long talk about how - in high school - we had absolutely NO self-love. I think about a lot of the things that I've done in the past and I just wish I could've shaken myself into reality. My recklessness led to a lot of...bad things...and now I think about it and i am 1)sick to my stomach and some of the stupidity I was a part of and 2)so friggin happy that the person I was is not me anymore. I admit, I still have issues with self-love (i still love to be seen as desirable by prospectives), but I'm nowhere near where i used to be. I've put myself in some pretty bad situations just so I could feel "loved", even if it was a transient feeling, but I know now that it was never love, and the only person who I should've depended on to love me was myself. Sometimes I think about how in my mind, I still tell myself "in 30 more lbs, people will find me more attractive" and I realize that's a part of the old me that just hasn't died yet. I don't know if it ever will. Maybe I can slap the old me silly, but I dunno if it will go away.
Needless to say, I'm a survivor in every sense of the word. I have dealt with situations that I would never wish upon anyone else. I'd never considered myself a "survivor" until last night. I think about my life from 2005 - Sept. 2006 and how much I just felt bad for myself and wallowed in all the terrible things that had happened to me, that I never allowed myself to grow and be a better person. Now, while I haven't completely forgiven, I am growing and I am determined to be a better person despite the adversity I've been dealt with. Today, I genuinely feel happier and more at peace with my past and myself and I am truly ready to continue to grow from everything. I'm so glad that I am still alive and I'm so glad that I am who I am. I don't know why I decided to open up about this in a public blog, but I guess I feel some strength in being able to finally accept it and discuss my life. I am not ashamed of myself. I was who I was and - as much as I hate that person - I still accept that they were once me. But today I love life and no matter what - even if I eat too much pizza or drink too much beer - I can recover because that's just what I do: I learn and I recover.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anywho, enough of my life story! I actually have to go to class (although I really really don't want to)!!! Have a fabulous day my CK lovelies!!!
happy one year anniversary Corrine! You inspire me daily to keep on going!!
Today is OK. I had a great workout yesterday, but unfortunately the scale didn't drop as much as I would have liked it to. I don't know if I'm going to weigh in this Thursday because I have a feeling I'll be discouraged. I'm anxious to continue training for my 5K, but for some reason, I just feel like I'm not making any forward progress. Any runners out there, tell me what I'm doing wrong:
Monday/Wednesday/Friday - 30 mins Arc Trainer; 30 mins Tready
Tues/Thurs - 45 mins Arc Trainer; 20 mins Tready
30 min Tready days
5 min - 4.0 walk
5 - 12 mins - 5.0-5.4 run
5 min - 3.5 walk
5-8min 5.0-5.3 run
5 min 3.5/4.0 walk
20 min Tready Days
5 min, 4.0 walk
5-10 min, 5.0-5.4 run
5 min 3.5 walk
What should I be doing differently to prepare myself for this race? I still have 7.5 weeks left, and I feel like if I continue to work on my stamina in 2-5 minute intervals, I'll soon be able to run an entire 3.1 miles. Also, I'm not comfortable yet running outside (which I think will make running drastically different - and easier) so I don't know if training on the tready is counterproductive or what. I think by June I'd be ready to start running outside, but I'm just not too sure yet. Help me runners!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yea, other than working out and attempting to get back on my eating schedule, things are going alright over here! yesterday I was inadvertently forced to deal with something that happened to me three years ago that I had kinda brushed off and I'm not quite sure what to make out of it.
I can't believe I'm opening up about this, but I guess I feel like being open about my past will help me heal and maybe resonate (sic) with someone else who has been through a struggle. I left Wittenberg (my original college) in 2005 because I was depressed and miserable. The real reason I left however, is because, in 2004, I was taken advantage of by a male "friend". Unfortunately, alcohol was involved and a lot of people, including my parents and doctors, told me that i "put myself in the situation". Well, the next school year I returned to school in my new dorm and discovered that this guy lived in the same dorm as me and I was furious because the people at my school assured me that I'd be safe and away from this indivudal. Well, they inevitably moved me to my own room. At first I thought it was a good thing, but it really became a sanctuary for self-loathing, self-abuse, and anger. Anger not just from the situation, but from life period. I turned to my only vice - alcohol - and attempted to drink myself to death several times. This same year is also when I lost 40 lbs for basketball because my coach told me if I lost weight, I'd get more playing time. Well, soon enough, I had had enough. I couldn't live in that poisonous atmosphere and that is the real reason why I left school.
Well, last night, My best friend and I had a long talk about how - in high school - we had absolutely NO self-love. I think about a lot of the things that I've done in the past and I just wish I could've shaken myself into reality. My recklessness led to a lot of...bad things...and now I think about it and i am 1)sick to my stomach and some of the stupidity I was a part of and 2)so friggin happy that the person I was is not me anymore. I admit, I still have issues with self-love (i still love to be seen as desirable by prospectives), but I'm nowhere near where i used to be. I've put myself in some pretty bad situations just so I could feel "loved", even if it was a transient feeling, but I know now that it was never love, and the only person who I should've depended on to love me was myself. Sometimes I think about how in my mind, I still tell myself "in 30 more lbs, people will find me more attractive" and I realize that's a part of the old me that just hasn't died yet. I don't know if it ever will. Maybe I can slap the old me silly, but I dunno if it will go away.
Needless to say, I'm a survivor in every sense of the word. I have dealt with situations that I would never wish upon anyone else. I'd never considered myself a "survivor" until last night. I think about my life from 2005 - Sept. 2006 and how much I just felt bad for myself and wallowed in all the terrible things that had happened to me, that I never allowed myself to grow and be a better person. Now, while I haven't completely forgiven, I am growing and I am determined to be a better person despite the adversity I've been dealt with. Today, I genuinely feel happier and more at peace with my past and myself and I am truly ready to continue to grow from everything. I'm so glad that I am still alive and I'm so glad that I am who I am. I don't know why I decided to open up about this in a public blog, but I guess I feel some strength in being able to finally accept it and discuss my life. I am not ashamed of myself. I was who I was and - as much as I hate that person - I still accept that they were once me. But today I love life and no matter what - even if I eat too much pizza or drink too much beer - I can recover because that's just what I do: I learn and I recover.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Anywho, enough of my life story! I actually have to go to class (although I really really don't want to)!!! Have a fabulous day my CK lovelies!!!
9 comments so far.
9.
a decade ago
Thanks for sharing your story. I am sorry for all that you've been through. I am so proud of the wonderful person you are!
:heart1:
by SJ1320
8.
a decade ago
You might want to try running before you do the arc (or after just a short warm-up) so you can apply more of your energy and push yourself a bit harder on the treadmill. You may just be a little fatigued from the arc by the time you get on the TM, and aren't able to make as much progress or push as hard because of that. Good Luck!
by RSHNELVAR
7.
a decade ago
You are a survivor! "...now I think about it and i am 1)sick to my stomach and some of the stupidity I was a part of and 2)so friggin happy that the person I was is not me anymore." How great to look back at bad times and appreciate the present! I have the exact same feelings about parts of my life!! Thanks for sharing all of that. You are wonderful!
by AEWILLIA521
6.
a decade ago
Thanks for sharing that. I am sure it felt good to get it out. I am SO glad that you didn't drink yourself to death and that we have you now!
:kiss: I am sorry that all happened to you but you are making something of yourself and your life and learning how to 
:love: yourself and that is absolutely a survivor! 
:kiss:
by MOM22SONZ
5.
a decade ago
aw, ya big lush! i love the fact that we can reflect on our past without breaking down into tears or covering up our shame with food. i'm glad we have each other for those "long talks." you have come so far and become a much better person because of your past. yes, we would both love to erase those memories, but let's move forward...TOGETHER! i love you best friend...you truly are an inspiration!
:kiss:
by ASHARAF
4.
a decade ago
D-
:D Big hugs~ Kate
You are a survivor!!!!........The things that happened to you sucked!... but now as a person with perspective, you can look back and recoginze why you "self medicated"/ or numbed the feelings with food. Aren't we all here to be the best version of ourselves we can be?
I truly think you are well on your way. Look at all the things you have accomplished!! I appreciate your sharing. That took some guts, and we still love you!
by KATE77
3.
a decade ago
by BIGGRAMMA
2.
a decade ago
You should check out the Couch to 5K program and start with the week that you think is closest to your current workout (I'd say Week 4 or 5 maybe). I don't really run on the treadmill and have been doing all my runs outside, I think outside could be harder than the TM because you have to deal with the elements, heat, wind, cold, etc. and also inclines. Just a thought, sounds like you are doing great though with your training!
:y: More experienced runners can give you better tips. I'm preparing for a 5K too 
=D Oh yeah, here's the URL for the Couch to 5K: http://tinyurl.com/4gtmz
by EZ4181
1.
a decade ago
(((Denita))) ... you really are a survivor, and I am uber proud of you!
:kiss: ... and running on the tready is fine -- it's not exactly the same as running outside, but it's not counterproductive and it's a fine way to train!
by LOSEWEIGHTIN10