I hate running outside!!!!

So, today I decided to do my first outdoor run. Yea, it's official: I HATE running outside! God, my "run" totally discouraged me! So, I started and within a few minutes I was already tired! Well, I continued to tell myself "keep on pushing, it's all in your mind" and then I think about a"mile" into (guesstimate) I was pooped and I stopped and I looked at my stopwatch and it was 13:02!!! I was pissed, tired, and had the runner's doo-doo/farts with the accompanying stomach cramps and just said f*** it. I walked back home (my starting spot) and by the time I got home it was 27:02 I mean damn, I thought I had made progress, but this "run" totally discouraged me and now I don't know if I'll be able to do this 5K thing because if I can barely go for 15 minutes, there's no way I'll be able to get 3.1 miles in 35 minutes. I'm just really discouraged. There are a few factors that I think played a factor into my $h!tty run:

weather (running at 2pm in 80+ degree weather AND extra humidity probably wasn't a good idea)
wind
terrain
wearing a shirt that kept riding up in the front
LACK OF EXPERIENCE!

Maybe this is just how it goes on the first day and then it eventually gets easier. I guess just like with anything else, the first time SUCKS and then as you go on it gets better. At first I wasn't going to do teh second half of it but I really want to. Maybe I'll do it INSIDE though. As the song I listened to earlier said, "how can I expect to win if I never try?" So, I guess I shouldn't lose too much faith and just keep pushing. I've made a lot of progress so far, I guess I shouldn't let one run in 80+ degree, humid weather get me down.

7:53pm
Although incredibly boring, today has been a fairly peaceful day. I haven't been haunted so much by wanting to eat, I've been fairly relaxed (minus a few CA issues that have been bugged the crap out of me), and I'm not so frantic about food, losing weight, being skinny, etc. I am somewhat liberated by the fact that I haven't gotten on the scale since Thursday and I think I want to stay off of it for a few days longer. I feel like I'm living more when I don't step on the scale. It's one less thing to worry about. Now, I know when I do step on the scale and the number isn't as low as i would like it to be, I'll be incredibly agitated but I'm not fretting.

I'm really anxious to get my car back and sell a book or 2 back and find my birth certificate so I can buy a new license. My mom is coming into town this weekend and my mom and I have a very non-traditional relationship in that we both like to go out and party together (weird, I know) so I wanna make sure I'll be able to go out with her. PLUS it's her birthday so we have to do it up! I hope that my existing ticket won't prevent me from getting a duplicate license.

I got my financial aid award today and it's not looking so shabby! I have to make sure I call my private loan company on monday and remind them that I'm going to school for FOUR quarters and not three. I sure hope that all works out also.

I'm living with a lot of hope that things will turn out OK. I think I am going to run tomorrow morning or something, just so I won't be so discouraged. Running outside is TOTALLY different from running on treadmill - totally. I guess I underestimated the effects of hills, weather, and the power of a good distraction (i.e. a TV). Even with my music all I could think about was how much further I had to go. We'll have to work on that.

Anywho, can't think of anything else to blog about right now. Well, I can, I just don't feel like typing anymore. I think the Carpal Tunnel is kicking in.