Guess who called me?! yep. You guessed it. I was already in a defiant mood after my fantabulous run today. 3.1 in 35:01, 3.86 in 45:00 Afterwards, I was just thinkin NOBODY CAN TELL ME SH*T!! Then I got the call and I was back in goo-goo/gaa-gaa land. lol Yay. My computer is working off and on, so that excites me...a little. I got hit on again yesterday by one of my residents. I gave him my number and he suggested we should go out sometime. I wish they had the shy asian giggle emoticon. Anywho, things are better today. I'm trying to be more optimistic. I'm not turning to any vices, I'm going to lay in bed and I'm going to have some "me" time daydreaming about L and this weekend. So, I'm going to get my body, my mind, my life together. I'm not going to let stress get me down. I'm a fabulous person dammit!

Yesterday was a bad day. Stress got the best of me and all I preferred to do was turn to substance than turn to myself. I bough my first pack of cigarettes in almost two years yesterday. I threw it away today. It just was an ugly day. I felt the old coping mechanisms of the old Denita kicking in, where I'd rather escape than deal. Eating yesterday was absolutely HELLACIOUS. I look like I've gained weight in my stomacha and I"m just not feeling too attractive. I WILL go to the gym today and I WILL get on track. I will not let myself take off one more day.

So, yesterday Lauren made an interesting recommendation and I'm not sure what I think about it. Yesterday, Lauren randomly - like out of nowhere - said, "you know, we should not talk for a couple of days and see what happens." I'm like, "oh, haha, you're joking right" and L's like "no. I'm serious. Since I'm coming down there, maybe it would be good for us to really miss each other and kinda test our feelings out". So, I agreed, grudgingly.Then, this AM I got a text msg saying "I miss you like crazy & ur always on my mind" so I guess that's slightly encouraging. As much as i care about L, I don't trust him any further than I can throw him. It's only 3pm and there have been plenty of times where we haven't talked the whole day but today seems ten times longer than usual. It just doesn't really make sense to me. I mean it does, but in my head I'm incredibly skeptical but I'm trying to just stay positive and do other stuff to get my mind off of this awkward situation.

Blah. I don't feel like blogging anymore. I'm going to write more later when I have more mental clarity.