Oh yay. I get all googly eyed being back here. Now, if someone could just give me a really, really swift kick in the ass to take my big black behind to the m*f*ing GYM! I swear, I can eat well like my life depended on it but the hardest thing is to go to the gym. It's like facing how much you've let yourself go. I need to go though. Like Lauren said, "at this point there's only two directions to go. Back down to a weight where you're more comfortable or to continue eating the way you have been and go back to where you started". Hmm, interesting. So I guess I really need to suck it up and go to the gym and be honest with myself and my body about the ish I've been eating. Even last night sucked. Everything was fine until I realized I forgot my mp3 player, I got home, was craving cheese (I cheese) and decided to go to Chipotle and get a burrito and THEN i went to get a pint of ice cream AND a bag of m&ms. I tell ya, I can go the entire day doing fine but if I don't go to the gym, post -6pm is a disaster. And then it's like I eat myself into these self-destructive, self-pitying mode of "oh, you can't do this, you're destined to be fat again" but part of me says "no, you don't have to be that way". But then the food "cravings"/my mind telling me I'm destined to be fat kicks in and I just ignore my desire to be healthy. I really want to be healthy. It's just been really tough to get back on track. Bah. I have to do this.

Anyways, the first step is at least being honest with yourself and I'm trying to do that. I need to really re-evaluate why it's so hard for me to shake these habits and why I'm not allowing myself to get back on track. One day. One choice at a time.