The road to "getting on tracK" is not an easy one, folks. There are so many factors that have played into my lack of ability to get myself together that go far beyond the food & exercise (while also including the food and exercise). One thing I'm realizing though is that the more I allow myself to NOT be on track, the lower I am digging myself into a hole that will be that much harder to get out of. I am realizing that I am happier when I am healthy. The being small is just an added bonus. I miss the body I had when I ran that 5K. I miss that sense of accomplishment after that race. I miss feeling like I am in control of my life and food is not. So I know that the more I act in the complete opposite, it's making it that much harder to get it together. Some days I try, some days I just don't. But I am saying now that it's time that I really make a decision on which direction to go in. Despite how crappy things have been, I don't think I ever had the intention of gaining a crap load of weight back. I've always known that soon enough I will be back on track. So I guess I really just have to take everything that has happened over the past almost two months in stride and just learn from it and keep on going. I have hada good day here or there, but it hasn't been enough to stay on track. It's kinda crazy though how when I let myself go I let myself go all over. Financially, emotionally, physically, etc. It's time to reel myself back, look at everything that has happened, and really make an effort EVERY DAY to do things differently.

I guess my actions will have to speak louder than these words.