I'm at home now. I'm out of school for the quarter and so I'm at home for seven weeks with my mom. It should be a very, very interesting seven weeks. Lauren lives at home. Lauren and I have been as great as great and as terrible as terrible. I have gained thirty pounds and being home, I'm reminded constantly of what I used to look like. Yea, it's really nice to be validated based on how much you weigh. I have a lot of growth and decisions to make while I'm at home. I need to get my body and health back together. I need to figure out what the hell to do about my relationship with my father (yea, it's gone back down south). I need to figure out how to be happy without feeling like no one cares. Even worse, I need to realize that killing myself will not make me feel any more validated. I have been incredibly suicidal lately. I have not been happy with my life. I have felt like a burden to society and my family and have tried a few times to take myself out. This dark side I have tried to avoid for so long has re-peaked it's ugly head. every day is 24 entire hours. I am the complete opposite of the Denita I used to be. It's pretty gross. I have a lot of issues that I really need to get together...like ASAP.