DOLIDEAR's CalorieKing blog
Tuesday, May 25 2010
View DOLIDEAR's food & exercise for this day
Thought I'd share some of my journaling from back in March/April when I first started my lifestyle change journey.
Today is March 30th, 2010. Ive been reading a book titled The Me I Knew I Could Be, by Crystal Phillips. Found the book while going through things at Mom and Dads house, sorting and boxing stuff up so its ready for the auction Dad plans to have in July or August. The book intrigued me because the cover said that the author Crystal was able to go from 292 pounds to 133 pounds on her own. As I started reading I could see that this womans approach was completely different from all the other ways that Ive tried to lose weight in that past. And what she had to say made a lot of sense to me. She said that journaling helped her to work through the deeper issues that were at the root of her weight problem. Ive never really been into journaling, but I do like to write, so I figured what the heck why not give it a try. Maybe this is the answer to my weight problem too. Maybe Ill finally be able to lose the weight and keep it off for good. No, Im not going to say maybe this WILL be the answer. A part of me wants to believe that my finding this book as my sister and I sorted through all the books that mom had accumulated during her lifetime was her way of showing me how to love myself and how to finally be happy like I know she is now. Part of me is scared that Ill fail again, that Ill hit that point in time when I get down and discouraged and Ill go back to eating to stuff down the sadness. I just cant think that way, Ive got to do this for me. Only me. For my health. To feel good about myself . To find the person I know I am deep down inside, hiding behind these layers of fat. I know Ive got a lot of work to do. I need to spend a lot of time trying to get in touch with the things that have caused me to be the overweight person that I am right now and learning a new way to handle these issues. If I can do that then there is nothing to stop me from being successful. Right now Im feeling pretty positive. Ive been doing the Walk Kansas for the past 3 and ½ weeks and have already begun to change my eating habits and have gotten back into walking. Doug has even been walking with me the past few days that feels really good to me. A great way to spend time together getting fit!
I think the big light bulb moment for me was back at the beginning of March when I had that terrible allergic reaction to either the antibiotic I was taking or Djornos pizza. Normally, I refuse to be weighed, because I know Im fat, but I dont want to know just HOW FAT. But that day I knew that the ARNP would probably need to know my weight to calculate how much steroid medication to give me in the injection so I stepped on the scale 277 pounds! Wow! I was so embarrassed and ashamed!! And even more sadly is the fact that I know Ive been even heavier, at least 2 to 3 pounds!! I determined right then and there that I was going to find a way to get the weight off and keep it off!!
I weighed myself a couple of days ago and Ive lost 9 pounds!! Im so proud of myself. Im already feeling healthier, maybe it all in my mind, but I think thats exactly the place I need to make the changes that are going to help me in my mind. Im not going to get caught up in the weighing every day slavery. No way! Ive been there and done that and Ive decided that Ill weigh myself every couple of weeks. That way Im focusing on changing my lifestyle and not on the numbers on the scale. I will do this. I will be successful.
April 1, 2010 Well Im not off to a very good start with this journaling thing. I missed yesterday, not that anything major happened. Jo (my baby sis) and I worked over at dads again and got the trim on in the bedroom downstairs. We had a really good discussion about church and faith. And went on our walk before we started working.
This morning at work Marcia and Venita sang/played some songs that got me to feeling a little melancholy for awhile. Made me miss Mom a whole bunch. Tears were right there as I sang along with them who knew that even after almost three years it would still hurt so much sometimes! So needless to say Ive been thinking a lot about Mom today. And once again I cant help but be angry with her for leaving us when she was so young! I know her alcoholism was a disease and that she just wasnt strong enough to stop. But, darn it, shes missing sooo much! I took Boogie (nickname for my almost 2 year old granddaughter Nevaeh) to Hillsboro today and we went to the park. Boy did she have a good time! I just know that Mom wouldve loved being a great-grandma! Babies and little ones were such a blessing for her.
I know that a lot of my weight issues are tied to Mom and some of the things that happened when I was growing up. Im going to have to do a lot of work, digging through those painful, hurtful issues. But tonight Im just glad that amazingly enough all the emotions that I felt today didnt send me on a big binge. After I got home from Hillsboro Doug and I went on a walk. When we got home and Id had a shower I made the mistake of looking at the Newton Kansan online. Read about the little 19 month old boy who died at the hands of his mom and her live in boyfriend. I can hardly stand to think about how that poor little boy suffered. Things like this just hit way too close to home he was just a month younger than Nevaeh!! The only thing that makes it bearable is the knowledge that hes with Jesus now and isnt being hurt anymore!
I was feelin a little hungry this evening after Doug and I got back from our walk. Doug had bought a package of homemade cookies from a lady who bakes them and sells them at Bradbury. So I ate one of those. It was so good! I figure since it was a monster cookie and had peanut butter in it it wasnt 100% bad, and besides if I dont allow myself these kinds of things sometimes I wont be able to stay committed to these lifestyle changes Im making. Now Im sitting here listening to some praise music as I write. Music is my therapy tonight its soothing my soul and reminding me that God is always here with me! Thank you Lord!
Saturday, April 03, 2010 Wow am I worn out and my back is killing me! It was a busy day today, getting ready for our family gathering here this evening. I got up and made zwieback (a german bun), and while the dough was rising I hard boiled some eggs for the potato salad and cooked the potatoes. Well, to make a long story short the potatoes were of varying sizes and by the time the biggest ones were done, the smaller ones were overdone! So I made a quick trip to the store and got some more potatoes and started over again. The potato salad turned out ok. The zwieback were yummy! I added some whole wheat flour in an effort to make them a little more healthy.
Rinda (my youngest daughter) brought Brayson (my youngest grandson) over and we watched him for a couple of hours while she went in to Newton to ride with Denise (my sis in law) and Charlie (Denise's S.O.). I managed to get a walk in yet too before it was time to get cleaned up for the gathering. (They are training to bike across Kansas in June!)
Everyone but Krystal (my dau in law) was here for Easter supper. We included Mom and Jim (my hubby's mom and step dad), Denise and Charlie and Granny (hubby's grandmother). Granny so excited to be invited and we were sooo glad that she could be here with us. Aiden (oldest grandson) and Nevaeh had fun hunting for Easter eggs and we all enjoyed the great food!! It was a WILD house tonight with 4 little ones under 3 years old!! But tired as I am, I wouldnt have had it any other way. Took some 5 generation pictures tonight too. I think I got some good ones! Today I am thankful for family!! God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, great in laws, awesome kids and 4 beautiful grandbabies! Life is good!
April 11 Ok, so a whole week has gone by and I havent written anything. I think this may be because there hasnt been anything really traumatic or exciting happening. I realize that I need to be keeping track of what I eat though, so Im going to try really hard to journal this week. Today was another beautiful day! Weather was gorgeous! I stepped on the scale again today weight is 263 pounds! Thats 14 lost! Woot woot!! Go me! Some of my clothes are fitting a little looser, which is definitely nice! I wont be weighing again for another two weeks. Not gonna get caught up in the numbers part of this I want to focus on the lifestyle changes that are going to help me not only lose the weight, but keep it off.
April 18th Its Sunday evening and once again the weekend has just flown by and Im facing another Monday morning and back to work tomorrow. Ugh! At least its my short week with Friday off, so that always makes it a little easier to go back to work knowing that I only have a four day week! Doug and I cleaned up the house in the morning and then around noon Rin and Brayson showed up! She and I took Brayson in the stroller and went for a walk, so I got that in before the game night! Im feeling so much better already! I have more stamina, and can see a difference in my body! It feels so good! Im following what Crystal said in her book and looking at myself everyday in the mirror and telling myself that I love me! That sounds kinda silly, but I know in my heart that is exactly where I need to start I have to love myself and want whats best for me in order for me to be successful with the changes I want to make! Ive ordered a new digital scale that is supposed to be on its way to Walmart in Newton. It should be here next week sometime. Hopefully it will be a little more accurate than the one we currently have. As I think about what Im thankful for today my baby grandsons sweet smile comes to mind and once again the love I hold in my heart for my family springs forward! I am so thankful that God has blessed me with such a great husband, children and grandchildren! I try to imagine what my life would be like without all of them and I cant even begin to fathom how empty it would be. God has filled my life with these precious gifts which are beyond measure!! He must love me a whole bunch!!
Today is March 30th, 2010. Ive been reading a book titled The Me I Knew I Could Be, by Crystal Phillips. Found the book while going through things at Mom and Dads house, sorting and boxing stuff up so its ready for the auction Dad plans to have in July or August. The book intrigued me because the cover said that the author Crystal was able to go from 292 pounds to 133 pounds on her own. As I started reading I could see that this womans approach was completely different from all the other ways that Ive tried to lose weight in that past. And what she had to say made a lot of sense to me. She said that journaling helped her to work through the deeper issues that were at the root of her weight problem. Ive never really been into journaling, but I do like to write, so I figured what the heck why not give it a try. Maybe this is the answer to my weight problem too. Maybe Ill finally be able to lose the weight and keep it off for good. No, Im not going to say maybe this WILL be the answer. A part of me wants to believe that my finding this book as my sister and I sorted through all the books that mom had accumulated during her lifetime was her way of showing me how to love myself and how to finally be happy like I know she is now. Part of me is scared that Ill fail again, that Ill hit that point in time when I get down and discouraged and Ill go back to eating to stuff down the sadness. I just cant think that way, Ive got to do this for me. Only me. For my health. To feel good about myself . To find the person I know I am deep down inside, hiding behind these layers of fat. I know Ive got a lot of work to do. I need to spend a lot of time trying to get in touch with the things that have caused me to be the overweight person that I am right now and learning a new way to handle these issues. If I can do that then there is nothing to stop me from being successful. Right now Im feeling pretty positive. Ive been doing the Walk Kansas for the past 3 and ½ weeks and have already begun to change my eating habits and have gotten back into walking. Doug has even been walking with me the past few days that feels really good to me. A great way to spend time together getting fit!
I think the big light bulb moment for me was back at the beginning of March when I had that terrible allergic reaction to either the antibiotic I was taking or Djornos pizza. Normally, I refuse to be weighed, because I know Im fat, but I dont want to know just HOW FAT. But that day I knew that the ARNP would probably need to know my weight to calculate how much steroid medication to give me in the injection so I stepped on the scale 277 pounds! Wow! I was so embarrassed and ashamed!! And even more sadly is the fact that I know Ive been even heavier, at least 2 to 3 pounds!! I determined right then and there that I was going to find a way to get the weight off and keep it off!!
I weighed myself a couple of days ago and Ive lost 9 pounds!! Im so proud of myself. Im already feeling healthier, maybe it all in my mind, but I think thats exactly the place I need to make the changes that are going to help me in my mind. Im not going to get caught up in the weighing every day slavery. No way! Ive been there and done that and Ive decided that Ill weigh myself every couple of weeks. That way Im focusing on changing my lifestyle and not on the numbers on the scale. I will do this. I will be successful.
April 1, 2010 Well Im not off to a very good start with this journaling thing. I missed yesterday, not that anything major happened. Jo (my baby sis) and I worked over at dads again and got the trim on in the bedroom downstairs. We had a really good discussion about church and faith. And went on our walk before we started working.
This morning at work Marcia and Venita sang/played some songs that got me to feeling a little melancholy for awhile. Made me miss Mom a whole bunch. Tears were right there as I sang along with them who knew that even after almost three years it would still hurt so much sometimes! So needless to say Ive been thinking a lot about Mom today. And once again I cant help but be angry with her for leaving us when she was so young! I know her alcoholism was a disease and that she just wasnt strong enough to stop. But, darn it, shes missing sooo much! I took Boogie (nickname for my almost 2 year old granddaughter Nevaeh) to Hillsboro today and we went to the park. Boy did she have a good time! I just know that Mom wouldve loved being a great-grandma! Babies and little ones were such a blessing for her.
I know that a lot of my weight issues are tied to Mom and some of the things that happened when I was growing up. Im going to have to do a lot of work, digging through those painful, hurtful issues. But tonight Im just glad that amazingly enough all the emotions that I felt today didnt send me on a big binge. After I got home from Hillsboro Doug and I went on a walk. When we got home and Id had a shower I made the mistake of looking at the Newton Kansan online. Read about the little 19 month old boy who died at the hands of his mom and her live in boyfriend. I can hardly stand to think about how that poor little boy suffered. Things like this just hit way too close to home he was just a month younger than Nevaeh!! The only thing that makes it bearable is the knowledge that hes with Jesus now and isnt being hurt anymore!
I was feelin a little hungry this evening after Doug and I got back from our walk. Doug had bought a package of homemade cookies from a lady who bakes them and sells them at Bradbury. So I ate one of those. It was so good! I figure since it was a monster cookie and had peanut butter in it it wasnt 100% bad, and besides if I dont allow myself these kinds of things sometimes I wont be able to stay committed to these lifestyle changes Im making. Now Im sitting here listening to some praise music as I write. Music is my therapy tonight its soothing my soul and reminding me that God is always here with me! Thank you Lord!
Saturday, April 03, 2010 Wow am I worn out and my back is killing me! It was a busy day today, getting ready for our family gathering here this evening. I got up and made zwieback (a german bun), and while the dough was rising I hard boiled some eggs for the potato salad and cooked the potatoes. Well, to make a long story short the potatoes were of varying sizes and by the time the biggest ones were done, the smaller ones were overdone! So I made a quick trip to the store and got some more potatoes and started over again. The potato salad turned out ok. The zwieback were yummy! I added some whole wheat flour in an effort to make them a little more healthy.
Rinda (my youngest daughter) brought Brayson (my youngest grandson) over and we watched him for a couple of hours while she went in to Newton to ride with Denise (my sis in law) and Charlie (Denise's S.O.). I managed to get a walk in yet too before it was time to get cleaned up for the gathering. (They are training to bike across Kansas in June!)
Everyone but Krystal (my dau in law) was here for Easter supper. We included Mom and Jim (my hubby's mom and step dad), Denise and Charlie and Granny (hubby's grandmother). Granny so excited to be invited and we were sooo glad that she could be here with us. Aiden (oldest grandson) and Nevaeh had fun hunting for Easter eggs and we all enjoyed the great food!! It was a WILD house tonight with 4 little ones under 3 years old!! But tired as I am, I wouldnt have had it any other way. Took some 5 generation pictures tonight too. I think I got some good ones! Today I am thankful for family!! God has blessed me with a wonderful husband, great in laws, awesome kids and 4 beautiful grandbabies! Life is good!
April 11 Ok, so a whole week has gone by and I havent written anything. I think this may be because there hasnt been anything really traumatic or exciting happening. I realize that I need to be keeping track of what I eat though, so Im going to try really hard to journal this week. Today was another beautiful day! Weather was gorgeous! I stepped on the scale again today weight is 263 pounds! Thats 14 lost! Woot woot!! Go me! Some of my clothes are fitting a little looser, which is definitely nice! I wont be weighing again for another two weeks. Not gonna get caught up in the numbers part of this I want to focus on the lifestyle changes that are going to help me not only lose the weight, but keep it off.
April 18th Its Sunday evening and once again the weekend has just flown by and Im facing another Monday morning and back to work tomorrow. Ugh! At least its my short week with Friday off, so that always makes it a little easier to go back to work knowing that I only have a four day week! Doug and I cleaned up the house in the morning and then around noon Rin and Brayson showed up! She and I took Brayson in the stroller and went for a walk, so I got that in before the game night! Im feeling so much better already! I have more stamina, and can see a difference in my body! It feels so good! Im following what Crystal said in her book and looking at myself everyday in the mirror and telling myself that I love me! That sounds kinda silly, but I know in my heart that is exactly where I need to start I have to love myself and want whats best for me in order for me to be successful with the changes I want to make! Ive ordered a new digital scale that is supposed to be on its way to Walmart in Newton. It should be here next week sometime. Hopefully it will be a little more accurate than the one we currently have. As I think about what Im thankful for today my baby grandsons sweet smile comes to mind and once again the love I hold in my heart for my family springs forward! I am so thankful that God has blessed me with such a great husband, children and grandchildren! I try to imagine what my life would be like without all of them and I cant even begin to fathom how empty it would be. God has filled my life with these precious gifts which are beyond measure!! He must love me a whole bunch!!
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