Well, today I'm struggling with food and not sure why. I'm craving everything that is so unhealthy and just plain fattening. So of course, I caved in (damn it)! I'm slowing getting back on track from being under vicodin for two weeks (shoulder injury) and it's hard. I'm caught up on my sleep though and in that area, I've got a nice schedule going. I've been icing my shoulder as much as possible for 20 minutes at a time with at least an hour in between icings. It hurts while doing it but it always feels so much better when it's done! I'm meeting with Ron tonight to go over personel schedules so that I can schedule more time to exercise, time to pamper myself, do things with friends and spend more time with God. I'm finding that doing more of all those things makes me feel really good about myself. So I'm making them more important in my life. I think I've almost got the life balancing act down and I'm getting excited about that.

I had a very good session with my counselor today! I'm learning how to stand up for myself and my beliefs without being rude, condensending or mean. She did tell me that the more healthy I become (both mentally and physically) the more chance I have of dealing with conflict with my husband because he may not want me to change, even though he says he does. I think that it doesn't matter as long as I'm doing what I can do live longer and be faithful to God, Ron will do what Ron will do. I can't worry about him anymore. I can and will still work on my marriage in a positive way and do what I can to be a good wife, but I'll leave Ron's issues to God and let God work on those issues with Ron. Now I'm not saying that this will be easy, but at least now I have some positive tools to get me through the rough spots and still feel good about how I handled myself without letting myself be manipulated or degraded.

As I get mentally healthy, I'm hoping that my drive for physical healthy will improve as well. I've come a long ways from two years ago! Now I still have a long ways to go but you know what, I'm a survivor, and no matter what happens in my life now, I know that I did the best I could and for the first time in a very long time, I feel good about myself, regardless of how much I weigh!