LEIDEN's CalorieKing blog
Thursday, Oct 15 2009 - random thoughts, coherence zero
View LEIDEN's food & exercise for this day
I never considered myself an emotional eater. Maybe I did, but don't anymore and am repressing something. Either way. I don't think I'm an emotional eater, and heres why.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty blah all day. I write my blogs in the morning and in the morning, I'm normally pretty optimistic. Everything just seemed to go down hill after 4pm yesterday though. I got back from class, did a ton of studying for an exam I have later today, and after that I just felt blah. I wouldn't say I was depressed or emotional per say, but I was definitely drained. Food was on my mind, school was on my mind, life as a whole was on my mind.
I'm tired, lonely, and running on empty.
I know changes don't happen unless I make them happen. I've been working on making them happen for 17 or 18 months now, and they've come for the better. I'm pretty happy with my health, my appearance, and working on my education.
Until the letter from insurance comes with the big fat DENIED on it. I knew it was coming and no one should be surprised. It's what insurance companies do, luckily my family is well off enough to help me pay for this surgery and it's going to happen anyway. More likely than not, I will be moving the surgery date back a bit further, which is the last thing I wanted to do.
I had a plan, you see. The golden path to fame and fortune was laid out in my mind, and now it's like the road crew has come and taken a jackhammer to it.
My plan involved 2 surgeries, one over winter break (before the spring semester starts) and one over the summer. I planned these body lifts accordingly so I would be fully healed and able to transfer to a 4 year college from my current JuCo. I didn't plan on obtaining my associates degree, but now it seems that I should.
With surgeries being moved back and not happening when I want, I'm confined to NEPA for longer than I anticipated which is a pretty big bummer.
I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons, and seeing the positive side of getting my associates before transferring. Which I'm sure there is, but it's not what I wanted to do. Sucks for me.
It seems as if I'll be done at my current academic setting next fall and will be leaving with an associates of the arts in communication - hopefully this will not affect my transferring to a 4 year for Sociology and Economics, as the school I am going to doesn't have a major for either.
I have a meeting with one of my professors to ask about this later today, and I'll probably go and speak with an advisor to about it. Even though the advisors are next to useless, it'll probably help ease my mind in one way or another.
I refuse to turn to food to fill the void I'm feeling. You think you have your plans laid out for you, and one thing changes your path. It's not a complete change, it's just a prolonging which I didn't want to do. I started my college career late, and I wanted to finish fast - and that doesn't seem to be an option any longer.
I should be thankful I have the resources to be 23 and able to support myself while being a full time student.
I don't know, just a lot of junk on my mind. Sorry if you actually took the time to read that, tons of melodramatic nonsense!
Food was good yesterday, pretty well planned out today. Switching to EggBeaters was the best decision I ever made. Jacked up my protein a bit, which is huge for me and I feel more full when using them over a regular egg. I tossed a banana into my breakfast routine this morning, and I'm feeling quite satisfied. I'm still contemplating lunch, as I'm not quite sure what I want to do with it. I have these mean zuchini patty's that I like, and I might make one of those with some chicken...
Or theres the manwich. Oh the manwich. I don't know. Dinner is going to be a protein shake because I have night classes tonight, and that's fine - but I must figure out lunch!
I've been running a bunch of random things through my head to try and come up with something I haven't had before, but my lack of cooking expertise is prohibiting that from being successful. Oh well. I'm sure I'll figure it out and I'll be fine.
About to go work on my cardio. Sigh. What a dreary day for this.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty blah all day. I write my blogs in the morning and in the morning, I'm normally pretty optimistic. Everything just seemed to go down hill after 4pm yesterday though. I got back from class, did a ton of studying for an exam I have later today, and after that I just felt blah. I wouldn't say I was depressed or emotional per say, but I was definitely drained. Food was on my mind, school was on my mind, life as a whole was on my mind.
I'm tired, lonely, and running on empty.
I know changes don't happen unless I make them happen. I've been working on making them happen for 17 or 18 months now, and they've come for the better. I'm pretty happy with my health, my appearance, and working on my education.
Until the letter from insurance comes with the big fat DENIED on it. I knew it was coming and no one should be surprised. It's what insurance companies do, luckily my family is well off enough to help me pay for this surgery and it's going to happen anyway. More likely than not, I will be moving the surgery date back a bit further, which is the last thing I wanted to do.
I had a plan, you see. The golden path to fame and fortune was laid out in my mind, and now it's like the road crew has come and taken a jackhammer to it.
My plan involved 2 surgeries, one over winter break (before the spring semester starts) and one over the summer. I planned these body lifts accordingly so I would be fully healed and able to transfer to a 4 year college from my current JuCo. I didn't plan on obtaining my associates degree, but now it seems that I should.
With surgeries being moved back and not happening when I want, I'm confined to NEPA for longer than I anticipated which is a pretty big bummer.
I'm trying to make lemonade out of lemons, and seeing the positive side of getting my associates before transferring. Which I'm sure there is, but it's not what I wanted to do. Sucks for me.
It seems as if I'll be done at my current academic setting next fall and will be leaving with an associates of the arts in communication - hopefully this will not affect my transferring to a 4 year for Sociology and Economics, as the school I am going to doesn't have a major for either.
I have a meeting with one of my professors to ask about this later today, and I'll probably go and speak with an advisor to about it. Even though the advisors are next to useless, it'll probably help ease my mind in one way or another.
I refuse to turn to food to fill the void I'm feeling. You think you have your plans laid out for you, and one thing changes your path. It's not a complete change, it's just a prolonging which I didn't want to do. I started my college career late, and I wanted to finish fast - and that doesn't seem to be an option any longer.
I should be thankful I have the resources to be 23 and able to support myself while being a full time student.
I don't know, just a lot of junk on my mind. Sorry if you actually took the time to read that, tons of melodramatic nonsense!
Food was good yesterday, pretty well planned out today. Switching to EggBeaters was the best decision I ever made. Jacked up my protein a bit, which is huge for me and I feel more full when using them over a regular egg. I tossed a banana into my breakfast routine this morning, and I'm feeling quite satisfied. I'm still contemplating lunch, as I'm not quite sure what I want to do with it. I have these mean zuchini patty's that I like, and I might make one of those with some chicken...
Or theres the manwich. Oh the manwich. I don't know. Dinner is going to be a protein shake because I have night classes tonight, and that's fine - but I must figure out lunch!
I've been running a bunch of random things through my head to try and come up with something I haven't had before, but my lack of cooking expertise is prohibiting that from being successful. Oh well. I'm sure I'll figure it out and I'll be fine.
About to go work on my cardio. Sigh. What a dreary day for this.
1 comments so far.
1.
a decade ago
None of this is melodramatic nonsense. None. You are right - this is a sh*tty situation, but thank god your family is able to help you out financially so this isn't the end of your journey. Life does not go according to plan. I'm pursing a combined graduated degree (my PharmD and MPH) and as of today, I found out that it's going to take a lot longer than I thought b/c of bureaucratic issues . . . . and I'm frustrated. But - good news for both of us - there is light at the end of this tunnel. It may be longer than we initially thought, and it may twist and turn and have rats and sewage running through it (that would be the insurance a**holes) but it is passable. You'll get to the end, and you'll be stronger, fitter, and healthier when you get there. Maybe that's worth the wait. . . .
by ROSERENE