When I pictured myself in my head, I didn't see myself in my mind as a fat person. Until this past weekend...

My husband showed me the video footage of me running the last leg of a 5k recently and getting cheered on by my family. He was nice enough to participate in an event of mine finally and video my progress. I looked really really fat. I looked like a person that should not be running at all. someone that may keel over in cardiac arrest at any moment. Red in the face, sweat dripping off every corner of my body that the breeze hit...Someone I may have thought these thoughts about had I seen someone my size running in a race....before I gained all my weight. OMGoodness. I never realized that's how people view me.
It really hurt me to see video of myself in such poor physical shape. I physically don't feel that bad. My endurance has picked up and I am (when my shin splints aren't acting up) able to run/walk a 5k without too much trouble. In fact, training for a 10k in October. When I think of myself, I used to see a flirty sexy smart gal that had food issues, but I did not see a fat person in the mirror. Despite this, I still struggle with Mt. Dew. It creeps up on me during my binge moments and makes me feel awful.

The important thing is that I am trying. I just signed up for strength, circuit training, yoga, and personal training sessions at my work gym. Don't get mad at me, but its only 2dollars per class and 75/year for a gym membership. At this ultra low price, how can I not take advantage of it?

I will prevail. I will lose the weight...and I will not always be the fat girl slowly jogging through the finish line. I intend to kick ass and take names!

Love you all...and continue to work through food issues...
Did buy fruit and grains over the weekend. Did not buy a lot of junk food...
Later,
Elly