1:38 pm
I feel like I’m on a sinking ship and I’m helpless to stop it. The waves of exhaustion and the constant pounding of an uncaring attitude kept tossing my ship of resolve to and fro.

It’s Saturday and I’m so tired and lazy. I don’t want to do anything but sleep and eat. All I want to eat is comfort food. I’m sinking and worse of all, I just don’t care. I know I will tomorrow. I know tomorrow the guilt and shame will be more than I can bear, just as the fatigue is more than my spirit can take today.

Maybe I over did it yesterday, running 7 miles in two different shifts, but I felt so good! It felt so good! I wanted to do more and held myself back. Why am I so lifeless today? Where is my resolve today? Why am I willing to throw all my hard work away, for a cookie? All right, all right, cookies.

Sometimes the little kid in me takes over and just wants to be a little kid. Not knowing, not caring about what they eat, they just want to eat it because it tastes good. Humph… 43 years old and still acting like a little kid. I should just grow up and act my age! Not today, just not today. Today I’m tired and I just don’t care.

5:45 pm
Okay, here’s the deal. I ran. I felt a tiny little bit of umph so I got out of bed and told myself just to go really slow 5.5, which is slow for me, and go as long as I could, hoping for an hour. I gave myself permission to stop whenever I wanted. Guess What? I did it. I made it. I’m awesome. I do believe in me, I do. No down and out depression ganna get me down. I did it. YaHoo!!

I did have to eliminate dinner to make up for the junk food pig out session. I feel good. If I do get hungry or munchies, I still can have a salad. I won’t feel deprived. I’m AWSOME!