Today on the CK program I learned about self-esteem (emotional eating) and how it affects weight control. This coincides nicely with the story of my weight loss journey I completed on my blog last night. I believe in fate, I wrote that story last night without knowledge of the program topic I would be learning today. It’s as if a light bulb has flipped on and I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel.

As I wrote my tale last night I realized that while my life has been a constant battle with people, places, money or what-have-you, I’ve consistently always had issues with weight control. It dawned on me that the weight control was not the disease, it was the symptom. My low self-esteem is the disease. If I had confidence in myself, in my abilities, if I allowed myself to make mistakes without the negative thoughts consuming me throughout my life, piling on top of each other, building a massive tower of pessimism, I might have been able to control the negativity in my life and thus ease the symptom of my weight gain. That is what is working for me now. Controlling my life, controls the symptom.

This week I’m going to work on that negative voice in my head. I will call her Mary. When Mary starts dissing on me, I’ll write down the negative things she says, then I’ll counter them with positive comments, as if I were one of my children. I will learn to love myself, to work on improvement in a positive way. Mary is not my friend. Mary cannot control me. I would not allow Mary to talk to my children that way; therefore, Mary cannot talk to my children’s mother that way.