Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurts? I joined the 10 lbs in 10 weeks challenge. I wanted to lose one pound each week; regardless if I lost more than a lb a week(s) previously. I wanted one pound, one measly little pound, each and every week. I know I'm at a healthy weight now. I know I should be ecstatic with the progress I've made. I know. I know. I know. It's selfish, it's vain and I wanted it.

I gained a half pound. . A half a pound. OMH, I'm acting this way over half a pound? (well, a pound and half actually, the pound I should have lost and the half I gained back) I feel like a kid who wanted a shiny new bike for Christmas and they got roller skates instead. Roller skates are still cool, still shiny, still fun, but I wanted a bike. I know exactly where I went wrong.

I got cocky. I quit going to the gym on my lunch. Since I wasn't at the gym at lunch I went out to eat instead of having the usual calorie controlled sandwich at my desk. Since I didn't use the gym at lunch, I didn't have my afternoon appetite suppressant brought on by my usual lunch time exercise; so I ate chips and candy in the afternoon.

I got sloppy. I didn't measure and/or weigh my food. I added mayo here, butter there, and topped everything off with whipped cream. I had bites. "just a bite" here, "just a bite" there "here a bite, there a bite, everywhere a bite, bite".

I got lazy. It was a recovery week in my training program, so my exercise sessions were not as intense as usual. I knew that!!. Instead of going for walks or catching up my housework, I laid around, watched t.v. and surfed the internet.

I know the rules. I've spent the last 5 years perfecting them. I knew how bad I wanted the lb a week. I let myself down. I know, this is the part where I suck it up and apply all the words of comfort that I offer everyone else. "This is just one fight in the battle, don't give up." "Keep the faith." "Tomorrow is another day." "You made a mistake, you know where you went wrong, now move on.", but I just don't feel like forgiveness right now. I'm mad. I set myself up for disappointment. The challenge is 10 pounds in 10 weeks, not a pound each and every week. I made that rule for myself. I didn't allow any room for mistakes. I set myself up for failure.

Well, I'm going to use that anger. I'll fix my mistakes and I'll move on. I'll strive for another pound and another week. But what happens if I don't make it, again....?