I know some are wondering why I left so abruptly, without explanation, and I don't have a straight answer. It just seemed that my life was being taken over, so I panicked and ran. Something I do often when I can't deal with the situation. A coping mechanism which served me well during my dysfunctional childhood, when I was too young to stand up for my rights and continually put down by peers and by my elders, whom I looked to for guidance and protection.

Between the exercising, blogging, personal messages, exercising, challenges, counting, measuring and controlling my food intake, exercising, researching and exercising some more, so on and so on and so on, the spiral kept spinning faster and faster. I couldn't tell anyone, for fear of looking like an out of control freak of a failure. It's funny, I've learned how to control my body weight, yet that same control then takes over other aspects of my life. I take it back, it's not funny, it was getting down right scary.

OCD is the fourth most common mental disorder and is diagnosed nearly as often as asthma and diabetes mellitus.[1] In the United States, one in 50 adults has OCD.[2] The phrase "obsessive-compulsive" has become part of the English lexicon, and is often used in an informal or caricatured manner to describe someone who is meticulous, perfectionist, absorbed in a cause, or otherwise fixated on something or someone.[3] Although these signs are often present in OCD, a person who exhibits them does not necessarily have OCD, and may instead have obsessive–compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), an autism spectrum disorder or some other condition.

Hmmm...does that part in bold sound like someone we all know and love?

I used my time off to get some professional counseling. I ate what and when I wanted and rarely weighed a thing, including me. I exercised faithfully (I need them endorphins); however, I rested when I was tired and only exercised when I found it enjoyable. I used moderation. Sometimes I pushed hard. Very Hard. Sometimes I just moved my body for the pure joy of being able to move. My exercise was never forced or completed with a "I just have to do it" attitude.

Can I keep up my new found attitude? I don't really know. I'm just going to take it one day at a time; and if I need too, I'll take another break.

A lot of people look to me as a source of strength and endurance. I'm not either. I'm suggestible to the frailties of my human mind, which has been forged by decades of suffering and coping.

I'm back. I'll be taking it slowly; however, I'm not suffering and I'm coping, which, I'm sure, could be said by most of us.

Well, enough of the Sad Sack, time to put on my happy face
because that face is the person whom I enjoying being the most.

Thanks for the support CK. See you in the trenches!