MAMAMARTINEZ's CalorieKing blog
Friday, Feb 20 2009
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I am so freakin' tired! I wasn't going to log today because I am just beat, but I decided that if I am going to commit myself to this, I can't make excuses. Yesterday was hubby's birthday. As such, I totally blew my calorie target. Blasted buttercream!!!!!!
Last night was ROUGH. Chachi gave me two good nights in a row and finally decided to make me pay for it. He elected to hang out and play rather than go back to bed after his 2 am feeding. The frustrating part is that I know better than to try to put a baby back to bed in the middle of the night when he's wide awake. I would have been much better off just staying up with him than participating in the he's asleep in my arms/ put him down/ go to bed/ he cries/ I get up /repeat/I cry/repeat/repeat cylcle. My husband mentioned the fact that he slept a lot yesterday, which just threw me into a state of irrational seething anger that kept me from getting back to sleep once the boy did finally calm down. I know that he was not trying to aggravate me (he said as much while he was very sweetly giving me a back massage and trying to help me get to sleep). But, I was not in my right frame of mind, and I know that it is not the reason he was up last night. Newborns are unpredictable; it just happens sometimes. He was trying to help me, but it made me feel like he was judging my mothering decisions. Then I got into a cycle of anger, guilt for being mad at my husband, and guilt for being mad at Chachi for not sleeping. Oh, and throw exhaustion in there too. Once 3am hit and I was still awake, I just started thinking about how soon I would have to get up, and the anxiety and frustration grew. Anyway, my mom is coming to help today. If I can keep from getting to annoyed by her, maybe I can get some stuff done and get some rest.
Sorry for the complaining and possibly nonsensicle rant. I hope everyone has a great Friday
.
Last night was ROUGH. Chachi gave me two good nights in a row and finally decided to make me pay for it. He elected to hang out and play rather than go back to bed after his 2 am feeding. The frustrating part is that I know better than to try to put a baby back to bed in the middle of the night when he's wide awake. I would have been much better off just staying up with him than participating in the he's asleep in my arms/ put him down/ go to bed/ he cries/ I get up /repeat/I cry/repeat/repeat cylcle. My husband mentioned the fact that he slept a lot yesterday, which just threw me into a state of irrational seething anger that kept me from getting back to sleep once the boy did finally calm down. I know that he was not trying to aggravate me (he said as much while he was very sweetly giving me a back massage and trying to help me get to sleep). But, I was not in my right frame of mind, and I know that it is not the reason he was up last night. Newborns are unpredictable; it just happens sometimes. He was trying to help me, but it made me feel like he was judging my mothering decisions. Then I got into a cycle of anger, guilt for being mad at my husband, and guilt for being mad at Chachi for not sleeping. Oh, and throw exhaustion in there too. Once 3am hit and I was still awake, I just started thinking about how soon I would have to get up, and the anxiety and frustration grew. Anyway, my mom is coming to help today. If I can keep from getting to annoyed by her, maybe I can get some stuff done and get some rest.
Sorry for the complaining and possibly nonsensicle rant. I hope everyone has a great Friday
.
8 comments so far.
8.
a decade ago
by NEIMANMARXIST
7.
a decade ago
My youngest is 16 and I still have mommy guilt way too often, shoulda, woulda, coulda...the mind won't be silent. Hope you were able to get some rest with your mother helping!
by ROCKMOM2
6.
a decade ago
Mommy guilt is a terrible thing...and when you mix it with wifely guilt...its just plain dangerous! I hope you sleep better tonight!
by NMA5632
5.
a decade ago
Hooray for mom coming and backrubs from hubby. You deserve all the help you can get.... NOT because you can't do it... You CAN and you ARE doing beautifully!!! As you know, it is so normal to have tough nights and that your body and mental state will be impacted by that. The fact you are still logging makes me pay hommage to you... well done! Be easy on yourself, realize that people want to help YOU just to help and not as a judgement of you... and say YES!
:) Hugs to you!
by MUDDYMAMA
4.
a decade ago
Thanks for the comment. I have often fantisized about being a bird and having the ability to leave hubs with the egg while I go fly unfettered for a half hour or so. Sorry about the rough night. This is our first, so I've not yet experienced it, but it sounds tough!
by HEATHERH5000
3.
a decade ago
Don't you love the irrational rage at your husband? As it's happening, you know you're being dumb but you can't stop yourself...that's how it is for me
:)
by CHELSEA
2.
a decade ago
I hope you get some much needed rest today
:kiss: Boys are nothing but trouble from the start 
:wink3: But, good hubby for giving you a back massage and trying to help you get back to sleep 
:love:
by AMANDALCB
1.
a decade ago
Ok, so I don't have a baby, but I TOTALLY understand the stressed-out, blow up at someone for something insignificant, then you're angry, then feel guilty, cycle. Seriously, it's a woman thing. Luckily, it seems like both of us have men in our lives who somehow put up with this and still love us (I mean, come on, a backrub when you're being a
:@? And on HIS birthday no less? Awesome!) And yes, buttercream is the 
:devil7:
by LTHOMP38