MARCYINCNY2's CalorieKing blog
Sunday, Nov 29 2009 - To Explain
View MARCYINCNY2's food & exercise for this day
I kept thinking about my blog entry yesterday, how I'd written it out of frustration and how it might seem unkind without a larger context. I went back to delete it but found it was a bit too late to do that.
Id just like to say one more thing about my sister-in-law. What I realized this past week is how monumentally profound her denial is. Ive never known anyone before for whom their extra weight is not real, is not referenced in the everyday details of their lives and it just left me at a loss.
Last year her oven wasnt maintaining a consistent temperature but she has a second kitchen on the lower level and Thanksgiving went on pretty much as usual. I asked her why she hadnt replaced the upstairs range this year and she said she wasnt cooking much anymore and really didnt miss it.
She said she gets home from work and pops a Lean Cuisine in the microwave, her husband usually comes in later and has a bowl of cereal and theyre FINE! I almost didnt respond but I finally said in a low, measured voice, But youre NOT fine.
She didnt understand. I had to say it: Youre both dangerously overweight.
She just shrugged and that was the moment I realized what her daughter has been trying to tell me for years and that there really is nothing anyone can do. It is going to end badly.
Id just like to say one more thing about my sister-in-law. What I realized this past week is how monumentally profound her denial is. Ive never known anyone before for whom their extra weight is not real, is not referenced in the everyday details of their lives and it just left me at a loss.
Last year her oven wasnt maintaining a consistent temperature but she has a second kitchen on the lower level and Thanksgiving went on pretty much as usual. I asked her why she hadnt replaced the upstairs range this year and she said she wasnt cooking much anymore and really didnt miss it.
She said she gets home from work and pops a Lean Cuisine in the microwave, her husband usually comes in later and has a bowl of cereal and theyre FINE! I almost didnt respond but I finally said in a low, measured voice, But youre NOT fine.
She didnt understand. I had to say it: Youre both dangerously overweight.
She just shrugged and that was the moment I realized what her daughter has been trying to tell me for years and that there really is nothing anyone can do. It is going to end badly.
4 comments so far.
4.
a decade ago
it is so sad we can't make others care. but it's true. i feel that way about both my parents' habits but there is nothing anyone can do.
:sad2:
by NEIMANMARXIST
3.
a decade ago
It is difficult and incomprehensible that your SIL doesn't realize there's a problem. I have encountered that one too, with my ex; he was/is morbidly obese. But, you see, he's fine too. He's in constant pain, but doesn't see the association. He can't sleep at night, but doesn't see the association. His blood pressure and cholesterol are fine, even though he hasn't had them checked in a decade. I hoped that when the Wii Fit informed him of this (rather than hearing it from me) he would do something about it. I don't think he ever will. At some point you have to accept people for who they are, even though you're concerned for them. It's a constant reminder though, of what I DON'T want to be.
by KATANAS
2.
a decade ago
What I heard in your last post was anger. What I hear in this one is concern and helplessness, also love. Marcy, if we could only help others with their struggles. You're trying to force your SIL into consciousness by speaking hard truths. Who knows if she will "choose" to listen, and even more importantly, to act. Has she been to CK? I've found reading other people's stories enormously helpful because I find a little bit of me in everything I read here. I also identify with denial. Did you take pictures of your sister? Photos don't lie. Best wishes, Marcy, Cheryl52
by CHERYL52
1.
a decade ago
Often when someone is obese, the eating is a symptom of something else that is going on in their lives and not the specific problem. I experienced this myself. It puts loved one's like yourself in a tough position because you are only seeing them for short periods. There is nothing you can say or do about the eating because it will only make the person feel worse and does nothing to help the core problem. The best you can do is set a good example and let the person know they are loved and part of the family regardless. Happy T-Day
by LORILOVE