I have been up and down, up and down all week. I was off yesterday and had a good day, but today everyone was crabby at work and it got me down right off the bat. As I am writing this, I hear people arguing down the way. WT heck. That’s how bad this place is getting.

People brought lots of treats including bagels, cream cheese and coffee cake. I didn’t even try to resist. What is wrong with me? I am going the wrong way. I am purposefully being unconscious about what I eat. Have I got it in for myself? Am I depressed? Why am I doing this? I do just want to escape. I guess work is getting to me. This is a case where I should have said NO!

When I get home, my hubby wants me to sit with him and watch t.v., even when there’s nothing good on. I wanted to get on my computer last night and he talked me into staying downstairs and watch t.v. with him. He is tired at the end of the day, and I know he wants to spend time with me, but watching t.v. is just a waste. And if I am not going to have time at work to do CK anymore, I really need to have the time to do it at home. Maybe, I need to find some evening things to do with him…… Maybe we should find a hobby together….. I know when the weather is better, we will find things to do outside… but it has been cold and gloomy here and winter just came back. Can I somehow include him in the things that I need or want to do? I need to investigate this. This A.M he made me late for work because he just wanted to talk and talk. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place.

I need to learn to say “no” and I need to learn to say “not now”. I need to remind myself that it’s ok to give myself some time and space. It’s okay to say no with no explanation. It’s ok to make my own plans top priority. If I say “yes” I can put a limit on it. Like “yes” I’ll watch for 15 minutes, but then I have to go on my computer. Or “yes” I’d like to hear your story, let’s make time for it later.