Started the day off bad, was very negative and nervous. But I took a long time at lunch to count my blessings. It helped. I patted my shoulder and told myself everything would be fine and that there was nothing to be worried or upset about. That seemed to help too. Then I did my deep breathing and that helped my body relax. I need someone in my life to do that for me! Just hug me every day and tell me that it’s all going to be all right and reassure me that I can handle anything that comes my way.

I guess that is expecting a lot, so I have to do it for myself!!!!! LOL. Heav’n knows that men do not do that, although my hubby has been more supportive than he used to be. I don’t think I ever had a mother that did that either. She was always like, “Keep your chin up! Stick it out.”, or something like that. No sympathy of any kind. Only once, do I remember her hugging me and telling me it will be okay, and that was when I was severely depressed at the end of high school. I was very surprised at the time and a little put off that it took her 18 years to care.

I guess the thing is, that I am a sensitive person and in the home I grew up in, it was all kind of like fighting for attention and survival of the fittest. I never learned to be tough.
I don’t think my mother ever understood that I needed more nurturing. I guess my siblings were all pretty tough. I’m not complaining, but I just seem to march to a different drummer. Once, I remember someone saying that I was “nice”, but I didn’t cut it. Nice doesn’t seem to have a good connotation in the world. Nice is: ho hum, boring, okay but not great, wouldn’t hurt a flea, easily walked all over.

But I need to not care what anyone else thinks. I like being nice. And I like being a middleroader. And I love me!!!