MIPACKERFAN's CalorieKing blog
Monday, Jan 7 2008 - Why Will This Time Be Different?
View MIPACKERFAN's food & exercise for this day
I'm sitting here, and I'm dreading writing this. Kind of like I'm dreading the whole weight loss thing. It means someone will be "moving my cheese," even if that someone is me. It hasn't worked in the past. I haven't been able to stay strong. I haven't been able to follow through. Why would, why should, this time be any different?
I watch shows and I read different articles. You have to learn to love yourself. That includes your body. Well, how in the hell is that supposed to work? I keep hearing how when a woman hits her 40s, it's like this lightbulb goes off and suddenly weight isn't an issue. What other people think isn't an issue. She learns to love her body. She comes into her own. Do I really have to wait another seven years for that to happen?
At my last doctor's appointment, I weighed in at 284.5 pounds. Holy crap. That's the highest I've ever been, and a little too close to 300 for my taste. I remember the days when I would think to myself, "There is NO WAY you are ever going to pass 200." (I also said that about a size 20 pair of jeans.) And then I lost a bunch of weight (I guess hard break ups do that to a person) and was sitting at 175. I was able to shop in stores that didn't cater to the "curvy" woman. I was even able to wear an outfit I wore the summer after I graduated high school! 175 pounds seems like a lifetime away.
Why will this time be different? Maybe it's because I'm older and wiser, but I doubt it. Maybe because I'm coming to the realization that there is nothing in my life that I've ever really worked for. Really worked hard for. I can't say that gaining all of this weight has been a breeze. I mean, there are those long lines at McDonalds, feeling like crap because I ate two or three times more than I should, the shame that came with realizing I had just finished off the ice cream I just bought or the item I bought for someone else - and they never saw it. And let us not forget going to lunch with a friend, and when we had to walk back up a flight of stairs, I couldn't talk for two minutes because I was so winded. Will sheer embarrassment work? Maybe.
Why will this time be different? It might be because I'm starting to see what other people see when they look at me. Getting ready in the morning for me includes a mirror - that shows my face, and only my face. Nevermind the shelf of an ass I'd see if I actually looked in a floor-length mirror. If someone were to ask me the part of my body that I liked the best, I'd have to say my eyes. I mean, I never look at the rest of it, so how should I know?
Why will this time be different? Because I'm tired of being ashamed of my body. I'm tired of being tired, of not being able to climb the steps at a movie theater without feeling like I'm going to pass out when I get to my seat, of not being able to move this way or that because my stomach and legs are in the way, of getting onto an airplane and having the people I pass by not even look at me, for fear I'll be the person who has to sit next to them. I'm tired of sitting down in the airplane seat and not being able to fit, or having to move to a different seat because when sitting in the exit row, seat belt extenders aren't allowed. Apparently only the fit and fabulous are allowed to save us all should the plane go down.
Why will this time be different? Because when I fly to Vegas in August, I'm going to actually fit in the airplane seat...without having to raise the armrests for my hips to fit. Because I want to know what it feels like to have so many decisions to make when buying clothes, that I stop shopping because it actually requires me to shop. Because maybe, one day, I'll get that look walking down the airplane aisle that shows me they aren't afraid if I sit next to them.
I know big people, fat people, can be happy. I just don't want to be one of those people. I want to be a normal, healthy-sized happy person.
Now that that's out of my system, how am I going to lose half of myself?
1. I'm going to cook more. I enjoy cooking, and I'd like to learn more. I wouldn't even mind trying to find a class or something. But the point is, I'm going to cook more.
2. I'm going to take my lunch to work. Eating out everyday, aside from being too dang expensive, doesn't allow me to really control what's going in my mouth. Once a week is better than five!
3. Fail to plan and plan to fail. Prior to going grocery shopping, I will sit down and figure out a menu for the upcoming week. I can take different events planned through the week to gauge how many meals I need to be ready for. The fast food has to stop.
4. Water vs. pop. Nevermind the caffeine addiction, my pop intake has to decrease significantly. I will allow myself two cans per week. They don't have to be of the diet nature, but they certainly have to be logged and taken into consideration.
5. Calorie King. I will use Calorie King to help plan my meals and monitor my intake. It's an eye opening tool that if I use, will help me succeed. And I will stay within the limits given to me by Calorie King.
6. Late night eating. I usually go to bed between 11:30 and 12. No more food after 8:30. This is going to be terrificly hard for me, but something I will strive for.
7. What is moderation? Well, I'm going to learn the definition, and live by it. One chip, yes. The whole bag, no.
8. I don't have to do it on my own. The older I get, the more I fight with being so introverted. I will talk with Lis, at least once a week, and we'll figure this thing out together. I don't have to do this on my own. Our weekly chat will also include my weekly weigh in.
9. Exercise. I won't have a formalized plan for a while. I'd like to drop 20 to 30 pounds, which will help my knees and ankles when I start working out. By the time busy season is over, I will have an exercise plan.
10. It's easy to dwell on the negative, on what isn't working. If I want to complain about something, then I have to voice another item that equals it out. Pessimism has to be countered with optimism.
11. If I fall off the wagon, or even if I push myself out of the car, I will get back to what matters, and that's making me healthy.
My beginning weight: 284 pounds
My ending goal weight: 140 pounds
Weight to lose: 144 pounds
January 5 - 284
February 2 - 273
March 1 - 265
April 5 - 255
May 3 - 243
June 7 - 233
July 5 - 225
August 2 - 217
September 6 - 207
October 4 - 199
November 1 - 191
December 6 - 181
January 3 - 173
February 7 - 163
March 7 - 155
April 4 - 147
May 2 - 140
Total time: 1 year, 5 months
If I put my nose to the grindstone, I can be my goal weight by my 35th birthday. That's two pounds each week. I think I knew that in my head, but now I've got it there in writing.
140 pounds. I've been there. I know it's possible. And to remind myself, I put a copy of my senior picture up at work. Everyday I see it, and everyday I remember.
I watch shows and I read different articles. You have to learn to love yourself. That includes your body. Well, how in the hell is that supposed to work? I keep hearing how when a woman hits her 40s, it's like this lightbulb goes off and suddenly weight isn't an issue. What other people think isn't an issue. She learns to love her body. She comes into her own. Do I really have to wait another seven years for that to happen?
At my last doctor's appointment, I weighed in at 284.5 pounds. Holy crap. That's the highest I've ever been, and a little too close to 300 for my taste. I remember the days when I would think to myself, "There is NO WAY you are ever going to pass 200." (I also said that about a size 20 pair of jeans.) And then I lost a bunch of weight (I guess hard break ups do that to a person) and was sitting at 175. I was able to shop in stores that didn't cater to the "curvy" woman. I was even able to wear an outfit I wore the summer after I graduated high school! 175 pounds seems like a lifetime away.
Why will this time be different? Maybe it's because I'm older and wiser, but I doubt it. Maybe because I'm coming to the realization that there is nothing in my life that I've ever really worked for. Really worked hard for. I can't say that gaining all of this weight has been a breeze. I mean, there are those long lines at McDonalds, feeling like crap because I ate two or three times more than I should, the shame that came with realizing I had just finished off the ice cream I just bought or the item I bought for someone else - and they never saw it. And let us not forget going to lunch with a friend, and when we had to walk back up a flight of stairs, I couldn't talk for two minutes because I was so winded. Will sheer embarrassment work? Maybe.
Why will this time be different? It might be because I'm starting to see what other people see when they look at me. Getting ready in the morning for me includes a mirror - that shows my face, and only my face. Nevermind the shelf of an ass I'd see if I actually looked in a floor-length mirror. If someone were to ask me the part of my body that I liked the best, I'd have to say my eyes. I mean, I never look at the rest of it, so how should I know?
Why will this time be different? Because I'm tired of being ashamed of my body. I'm tired of being tired, of not being able to climb the steps at a movie theater without feeling like I'm going to pass out when I get to my seat, of not being able to move this way or that because my stomach and legs are in the way, of getting onto an airplane and having the people I pass by not even look at me, for fear I'll be the person who has to sit next to them. I'm tired of sitting down in the airplane seat and not being able to fit, or having to move to a different seat because when sitting in the exit row, seat belt extenders aren't allowed. Apparently only the fit and fabulous are allowed to save us all should the plane go down.
Why will this time be different? Because when I fly to Vegas in August, I'm going to actually fit in the airplane seat...without having to raise the armrests for my hips to fit. Because I want to know what it feels like to have so many decisions to make when buying clothes, that I stop shopping because it actually requires me to shop. Because maybe, one day, I'll get that look walking down the airplane aisle that shows me they aren't afraid if I sit next to them.
I know big people, fat people, can be happy. I just don't want to be one of those people. I want to be a normal, healthy-sized happy person.
Now that that's out of my system, how am I going to lose half of myself?
1. I'm going to cook more. I enjoy cooking, and I'd like to learn more. I wouldn't even mind trying to find a class or something. But the point is, I'm going to cook more.
2. I'm going to take my lunch to work. Eating out everyday, aside from being too dang expensive, doesn't allow me to really control what's going in my mouth. Once a week is better than five!
3. Fail to plan and plan to fail. Prior to going grocery shopping, I will sit down and figure out a menu for the upcoming week. I can take different events planned through the week to gauge how many meals I need to be ready for. The fast food has to stop.
4. Water vs. pop. Nevermind the caffeine addiction, my pop intake has to decrease significantly. I will allow myself two cans per week. They don't have to be of the diet nature, but they certainly have to be logged and taken into consideration.
5. Calorie King. I will use Calorie King to help plan my meals and monitor my intake. It's an eye opening tool that if I use, will help me succeed. And I will stay within the limits given to me by Calorie King.
6. Late night eating. I usually go to bed between 11:30 and 12. No more food after 8:30. This is going to be terrificly hard for me, but something I will strive for.
7. What is moderation? Well, I'm going to learn the definition, and live by it. One chip, yes. The whole bag, no.
8. I don't have to do it on my own. The older I get, the more I fight with being so introverted. I will talk with Lis, at least once a week, and we'll figure this thing out together. I don't have to do this on my own. Our weekly chat will also include my weekly weigh in.
9. Exercise. I won't have a formalized plan for a while. I'd like to drop 20 to 30 pounds, which will help my knees and ankles when I start working out. By the time busy season is over, I will have an exercise plan.
10. It's easy to dwell on the negative, on what isn't working. If I want to complain about something, then I have to voice another item that equals it out. Pessimism has to be countered with optimism.
11. If I fall off the wagon, or even if I push myself out of the car, I will get back to what matters, and that's making me healthy.
My beginning weight: 284 pounds
My ending goal weight: 140 pounds
Weight to lose: 144 pounds
January 5 - 284
February 2 - 273
March 1 - 265
April 5 - 255
May 3 - 243
June 7 - 233
July 5 - 225
August 2 - 217
September 6 - 207
October 4 - 199
November 1 - 191
December 6 - 181
January 3 - 173
February 7 - 163
March 7 - 155
April 4 - 147
May 2 - 140
Total time: 1 year, 5 months
If I put my nose to the grindstone, I can be my goal weight by my 35th birthday. That's two pounds each week. I think I knew that in my head, but now I've got it there in writing.
140 pounds. I've been there. I know it's possible. And to remind myself, I put a copy of my senior picture up at work. Everyday I see it, and everyday I remember.
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