MIPACKERFAN's CalorieKing blog

Wednesday, Feb 20 2008 - Serve? Serve how?

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I recently started going to church. It's definitely not a traditional church, but I think I could really fit in there. The topic for last week was "God didn't invite you to church." I know, sounds a little weird, right? But once the point got across, it really made sense. Without getting into too much detail, there were three points that came out - serve, sit, speak. I'm struggling with the first one.

Serve. Serve God. Serve those you love, and those you don't. Okay, I got that. But how? I really don't have a lot of people in my life, and all of my family live at least 300 miles away. I have a couple of really, really good friends, but they also live far away. And part of the problem I have, and have had for a long time, is my constant lack of self worth. (I once had an anxiety attach walking through the mall because for whatever reason my brain convinced the rest of me that I shouldn't be there - I didn't belong.) I'm not a bad person, and I like to think I have a good heart. There are a few charities I would love to contribute to - I just can't get over myself. I'm too afraid to make the call, to stop by, to see how I can help.

I'm tired of sitting at home every night. I'm tired of having to make up false excuses in my head when I walk into a store to feel like I actually have a purpose to be there. I'm tired of being scared to join organizations, to talk to people, to try. Why can't I get over myself?

I did something the other day that I couldn't believe I did - and it's been done to me. I was walking out of the grocery store (with a FULL cart even) and walked by a woman sitting on a bench. This woman was a big woman. Walking by, I looked at her, she caught my eye, and I immediately looked away. Was I "grossed out" by her? Was I afraid if I didn't do something to fix my own weight that I would one day weigh what she did? Instead of giving her a friendly smile and going about my day, I looked away, like she wasn't there. To that woman, I'm sorry.

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Comments

2 comments so far.

2.

a decade ago

Susie,
I used to have the same way of thinking. I thought everyone looked down on me and I thought I would never fit in. I had the lowest self esteem. Then I got married and had 3 beautiful children who love me for me:) I love to have fun and laugh and help others. I just said to myself.....if people don't like me because of my appearance then shame on them. They are missing out! Remember, God does NOT make junk!! God loves you so much. You can always count on that!

by DAWNNSCOTT

DAWNNSCOTT

1.

a decade ago

:hi: Susie...I will tell you what I have told my children and grandchildren... Not to be afraid or embarrassed with anyone. We all put our pants on, one leg at a time.. There is nothing that you could do in front of a group of people that hasn't already been done..Do you live where there are big hospitals or nursing homes? Hospitals usually need someone to volunteer to rock babies...Did you know that most nursing homes would appreciate it if you came in and sewed buttons on clothes to replace the ones that are missing? or visit with the residents there. I worked in a nursing home for two years. The first few days I wondered why I was there...The smell of pee, and seeing so many unkept old people...then after about a week, God showed me some of the reasons I was there...One resident had been there for about 7 years, a rather young lady for a nursing home. She took good care of her hair, her nails her skin. Her problem was she could not get out of bed. Her one child, a son, came once a month to pay her bills, some times he might squeeze in a minute to see his mom. I asked the head nurse if I could take her outside...was told, you know she can't walk...yes, I said, but the bed can be rolled out to the front porch. I did, and the lady cried to hear the sound of the birds, to see the beauty of the blue skies and to feel the sun on her face. Such a little thing for me to do, but meant so much to this person. Then I knew why I was there... You know when you start doing things for others, you forget about yourself...Try some little things at first, like sewing on buttons etc..or something like this...This way, you could kind of ease into being around people, but in the meantime you would be serving others. Good luck :kiss:

by BESS

BESS