we got back from the funeral late Saturday night. I was pretty tired from not getting much rest and feeling kinda of empty inside. All the home we talked about my brother-in-law and what we had learned about him. Oh, he had really been sick for 16 years and not ten. I had forgotten about the fact that the cancer started out in his kidneys and they had to remove one of them a long time ago. Then when I was sharing with his wife about how he was my inspiration, she actually gave me a chuckle and informed me that I had it all wrong. You see Farrell actually lost 75 pounds in three months because he had gotten so sick from the operations he had. Since we didn't get to see him but every six or so months I didn't see this. Farrell hadn't let me in on how sick he had gotten after those surgeries. For some reason this dummy never picked up on what had happened. He did change his eating habits some what because he had become a diabetic after they took out his pancreas according to his wife. She was kind to me and did say at least I was losing the way it should be done and to be glad I wasn't losing the way he had. I am, but in many ways he still inspired me because he got into an exercise regiment at the mall and got his body into as good of in shape as he could. That alone is something that even today makes me get out there and walk when I don't feel like it. I know he often told me about his walking and just to go and do it. He didn't seem to think my handicap was something that should hold me back. His attitude and not saying. oh your handicap and can't walk I understand, no he just said go and do it, made me go and try. That alone I owe him for. If someone hadn't shown me you could have an illness and still exercise, I would not have tried. Believe me, it's easy to hide behind your illnesses and pain.
He also should me that if you give out to the community, you will be rewarded. There were at least 150 people at his viewing and funeral. All of them said to his wife how he had given to them in some way. I took note of this. Here was a man who even when he fighting for his life, he still managed to help others.
I did ok food wise all weekend because once again I took a lot food stuff with me. Part of this is because I am a diabetic and have learned I have to for survival. The other part is that I need the healthy snacks while on the road to munch on. We stopped at a gas station in Centerville that is known for
their barbecue. We both got a sandwich and supplemented it with a salad. I had a fruit freeze and hubby had a sugar free pudding that we bought. That night I ate my pasta chicken and a salad and had some sweettarts. Later on for a bedtime snack I did eat the other half of that barbecue sandwich I saved from lunch since I had only eaten half of it at noon. Breakfast was on egg from the hotel, brought my own cereal( weetabix), had one banana serving, and some coffee with the soy milk I bought from home. Soy comes in little cartons now.( Amy, Weetabix and bananas does indeed make a good mushy like oatmeal like breakfast !)Lunch after the funeral was provided by the church and I was kind of dreading what I was going to face. Diabetics are taught to be prepared tough, so I bought a salad and a cooked veggie I had made at home and kept in the hotel frig until time to eat. OK, in years past I would never have cared or been worried even as a diabetic, but I'm trying to get off of insulin. If I am ever to get off of insulin, I am going to have to learn to supplement meals or something when eating at church potluck dinners in order to make this work out. Usually this falls on the diabetic to bring food they can eat. At least it did on a cousin I had on my Mom's side of the family. Anyway, the church provided fried chicken, potato salad, green beans, pinto beans, chowder beans, a fruit salad of some kind, rolls deserts, potatoes, mac and cheese...and I had one chicken breast on skin, chowder beans, 1/2 cup, my veggie dish, my salad, and carrot sticks, and a sugar free jello I also had brought from home.I thought I did really well considering.
On the way home we stopped back at the barbecue place for dinner. Ok, it was a winner and it beat McDonald. I had half a sandwich and 1/2 cup pinto beans, no fruit, but 13 grams of sweettarts.
OK, food wise I did good until I got home and was resting in my easy chair. Hubby had gone off to bed and I found myself munching on some sweettarts. I said ok, I'll finish off those sweettarts since I don't want them hanging around the house. They were for travel purposes in case I had blood sugar lows in the car. So, I did. Then I thought, I need some protein...went to frig and ate two left over chicken legs. Still hungry. Looked at Xena's marshmallows, decided they would tasted good in one of P's sugar free chocolate puddings. By that time I figured I ad done enough damage. I haven't binged like that in at least 6-8 months. I can't even tell you why I did it after I had a good food weekend. I was even counting my calories as I did it!!!!!!!Today, I have given up my snacks to adjust for some of the over eating I did yesterday. I think CK says you're not suppose to do that, but the truth is, I'm not that hungry today for some reason. I feel like I've over eaten and can't eat today.
well, that's what happened to me this week end food wise. I prefer the weddings to the funerals. Next week end I have a church buffet to attend. That will be a challenge. I'm going to bring the vegetable. I've decided on grilled asparagus.Please let me know if you have any good recipes for that. I'm going to take some steamed quinoa so I know there will be something I can eat there. I already told the leader who is providing the meat to let me know what kind of meat she is providing since I am a diabetic. This way I can plan ahead of time just how much planning I will have to make. I'll take my fruit with me for dessert. This is a new group we are joining so it will be interesting.
I talked a lot today.Thanks if you read it all. I just needed to vent a little tonight. I think I'm finally beginning to realize that for the past two months I've denied that I am susceptible to binges and emotional eating still at this late stage of my dieting. Guess the problem will always haunt me and the tendency will always lurk behind me. Thanks for listening.

ps. Tonight my neighbor and I got a peek at one of our neighborhood alligators. He or she lives in a near by creek that is used as a water run off. There is a warning sign posted for visitors not to go into the water and to keep all animals on the leash for obvious reasons. I really feel sorry for all the birds that try to take a drink in that creek. The gators eat the fish and the birds and stray cats I'm afraid. Park and wildlife won't remove them unless they become a danger to the community or they grow to over eight feet in length. I took a picture of it but didn't have my zoom lens on so it didn't turn on too well. at least now I know when it comes out to sun now. I walk in the morning and it suns in the evening and doesn't come up to the side walk but stays by the bank. Good idea to walk the dog in the morning.