I have done a lot of soul searching in the past few days leading up to talking to my sponsor, my husband, and even asking a friend to be a accountability partner who will call me each week and get on to me if I make excuses about not staying on my health plan. Did you note I changed diet to health plan. Yes, I realized I must never use the word " diet " with myself because I look at that as almost a punishment or life sentence of torture. Where as if I look at it as a health plan that will improve my health and make me feel and look better it has a more positive and motivating ring to it. Some of you call this a new healthy life changing lifestyle. I had to think of something that clicked in my mind and would motivate me. Getting and keeping healthy has always motivated me so this angle will work on my mind.

The second thing I realized is that I may have an eating disorder called Binge eating. I have mentioned before that I have this binging problem and now can control it to under 500 calories or so. Before Ck when I was totally out of control I could easily eat a box of this. Now I am more conscious of what I am doing and can recognize my behavior, but find it hard to stop it at times because I can do it without thinking at times. This is were a friend, my husband, and after much prayer, I came to the truth, I have been trying to nip this diet thing and my binging all on my own.

I HAVEN'T BEEN ALL ON MY OWN SINCE I HAVE HAD YOU ALL. Without you I would have been an emotional wreck, but I haven't had any human contact here were I live, and I need it. I need to have someone to share my food trials with that lives in my area face to face. Just like CR has helped me with my walk with God and my relationships, I feel maybe I should get some help for my healthy living plan. I haven't chosen which direction to go yet. Weight Watchers would be the most practical even though I wouldn't use their point system to continue my healthy eating plan. I could sure use those weekly meetings though. A trained CBT would another option as I am dealing with an eating disorder and need the practice and training on how to teach myself coping techniques to deal with my problem. ( much like Beck teaches in her book )

All I know is that I have done everything so far on my own and have hit that point that if I don't go and get help, I might gain the weight back. This is what I have done in the past. I recognize this now. I recognize that it was the eating disorder that I had not learned to conquer nor the depression, interpersonal relationships, etc. Well, now I am working on all of these as well as learning how to eat properly and making good food choices now. This time is different because I have what it takes to beat this thing now. I have everything but one thing. That human contact to talk things out with. So, I am seeking that out now. ( Oh, I still have my dietitian, but I need a weekly meeting that will help me change my behavior . ) Wish me luck.