Well, I tried to snack last night but there was NOTHING in my pantry because I had gotten rid of all the snackies I had in my pantry. I ended up not doing much damage to myself and got rid of the desire to snack. Today as I logged what to eat for a snack I had two three options: fruit, veggies, or air popcorn. That's what I want to have in my house for snacks, healthy stuff that is bulky. I also have some yogurt to mix with the fruit and peanut butter to dip the celery in if I want. All of these are fine. I will see how long I can last without the tempting crackers and pretzels which have been giving me problems. I'm not sure I'll be able to eat the popcorn though. I 'll see if my body can handle it. Anyway, I am determined to get back on program and in order to do that I needed to " dry " out from tempted foods that I can't seem to control myself with for now.

I realize this makes me a classic " binge " eater. I have been reading about how some people think that keeping to a restricted diet is not good for classical binge eaters and others seem to think it helps people like us. One thing that the experts do agree about is our thinking of denying ourselves and how it hurts us. The more we deny ourselves and try, the more we our likely to go on a binge when we taste foods that our seen as " forbidden " foods to us. I can see that. As a binge eater those forbidden foods are my problem, thus avoidance of them has been my best defense. In a way it is also my undoing to.

Learning how to bring a forbidden or difficult food back into my diet has been mt toughest challenge. These are the foods I go to for comfort when I get emotionally down. These are the foods I will binge on. These are the foods that are not, get this not necessarily bad, but I now like and have made my comfort foods now. I have traded some bad foods for good foods now, but put them in the I will over eat them category if under stress. An example of these kind of foods are crackers, cereal, and yogurt. ( they used to be cookies, cakes, and cereal ) Never-the-less, I have the same emotional problem, I just substituted one food with another.

The positive to come from all of this , is awareness. I am aware of what I am now doing. My sponsor says being aware of your eating pattern means you can now work on the problem. It means you have come out of denial of it. It means now you can ask God for help in overcoming it. This is why I won't quit working on my eating habits. I know losing is just part of the deal. Learning how to over come why I gain is the other part. I think this is the toughest part. I have found this year, that this part of it is the toughest battle. I have had the highs and joys of losing and winning that battle. Then the lows of gaining some of the weight back. Now comes the tough part, were courage and tenacity are needed, facing those demons that got me here in the first place. It will be only through God's grace and my courage that will see me through to the end.

I hope that I am talking not only to myself but to others who are experiencing some of the same feelings. Have you been there ? Have you felt like this on more than one occasion ?
Been there, felt like that. Well, look at the positives. You haven't given up. As you all have said to me time and time again, it's a journey. I'm here for that journey. Thank you for that support and keeping me positive. I hope I could keep some of you positive today too. It is journey we can win and most of us will win. It just takes time.