I was trying to sign up for a year and actually just signed up for a month. Oh well, i'll just have to pay for the rest of it next month.

I go to San Fran Thurs for my brother's wedding. Unfortunately it will be an in an out sort of thing. Fly in Thurs out Saturday due to expenses. Wish I had the funds to stay a few days and see the sights. I will have about five hours to myself in the city and haven't figures out what I will do. If the weather is good I just may walk down to the Warf and take a trolley. Unfortunately, there aren't any good places to eat. I'll be staying on Lombard St.

Like usual, Li'' take snacks and bk with me. I'll have a few hours to spare at LAX so I am taking my homework. My daughter will meet me in SF latter that night and fly back with me on the same plane on Sat.

Then I'll get busy back on my diet and exercise routine. I kind of decided to take a little vacation from counting calories until after the wedding. I still measure my food and watch what I eat and make sure I watch the snacks, I just haven't been concentrated on cutting down yet. That is coming.

I know when it comes time to get back in the groove, I will have to finally answer that question, do I want to get that last 25-30 off. Ten has to come off for sure to make my pants fit right, but the rest is my choice. Now I realize that. I don't have to get skinny for any body but me if I don't want to. I met all the medical goals, just not the physical goals. Looks aren't everything, but I have yet to find that motivation within myself to get me there. This is my goal this year.

I did find why I eat though this year and have been working on that. I've learned a lot of my triggers. They are not easy to ignore because a lot of them are visual ques that I see everyday. I will talk about some of mine in hopes that some of you will recognize yours and find ways to deal with yous latter on this month.

I have also learned to handle my emotions better this year. Who new that anger was one of my biggies. I didn't often express anger to anyone. I ate it when I felt sorry for my self that I couldn't have what everyone else was eating. I even knew everyone else shouldn't be eating those sugary, fattening foods, but I wanted to eat those foods with everyone too. Knowing I was better off not doing so still made me fill angry inside because I stood alone having to watch everyone in my Bible study eat desert after wards !!!!!! I would go home and feel defeated instead of feeling victory that I didn't eat the forbidden food and binge on something, even if it was GOOD healthy food !!!!! Believe me, you can gain weight eating too much cereal or apples, even carrots ! ( the latter is much harder to do than the first choice ) I realized because I wasn't getting my way, I was expressing anger and lack of contentment in my new life style. Who was I mad at, God ? Did He make me go on a diet and lose the weight ?

Actually, the good Lord, was there showing me I had a rebellious nature still in that still wanted to hold onto the bad foods, thus my temper in still wanting them. This is currently I am still working on. Trying to release the desire for those bad foods. Some will say, go ahead and have some once in a while. Well, for me it doesn't work out too well that way. I eat a little sugar, and the craving becomes uncontrollable. Besides, I control my diabetes by not eating sugar. No, I will need to learn contentment in eating different foods than the average american. I will have to learn to feel good about my choices and be proud of my choices when I'm around others and keep those feelings to myself since others WILL NOT understand. ( this is america the land of cake and pie at every Bible study ! )

Till after the wedding....