Well tomorrow I go back to work after a month off. I'm not ready. Not because I don't want to go, or I'm not ready to face the kids. I miss the kids and from the emails and instant messages I've received, they miss me too. So last Wednesday when I saw the doctor I said I'd be ready to return on Monday.

Well I was ready to go when I was on pain pills, but off them is a whole different ball game! Oh man. I am still in a lot of pain. I guess when the doctor said it would take just as long to recover from this as it did from my Whipple, he wasn't kidding. He told me time and again that it was the most painful area to have surgery, and I guess I just didn't believe him. The hematoma set it back as well. If I had known I'd have had it at least two weeks before Christmas break, not just one.

But I don't have a choice. It's finals tomorrow and I have to be there. Roy will drive me, which is a bummer because it means getting to work early and leaving late...just a longer day than I want to deal with. But my reaction time is very slow due to the pain and I can't do that in rush hour traffic, so it's for the best. At least I can take a pain pill once the kids leave at 1:40, so I'll have relief in the afternoon.

And to think...I thought I'd be out RUNNING by now! Ha! Oh silly silly girl!

I have, however, been out walking. Take that all you excuse makers! I have walked every day, but one, since my surgery, including 4 miles the day of my surgery (before, obviously). I walked in the hospital and only missed the 26th, the day the hematoma was the worst and I just couldn't get the pain under control. Even Christmas morning we went for a walk before going to the hospital. It was a short one, but we did it. I walked five miles this morning. It hurt, but the weather is so beautiful today (clear, mid-50s, blue blue blue BLUE sky) I felt like it was worth it. Plus halfway through we stopped and had breakfast, read the paper, and relaxed at Starbucks. We normally run to Starbucks and back, and when we were at mile 2 and it had been almost 45 minutes (yeah, that slow) I was really frustrated. Normally we're mid-breakfast by then! On the way back three of my buddies were out (I know all the dogs along my normal running routes and have names for all of them). They are three Jack Russels and we always race from one end of the fence to the other (Cheatie always cheats, though). They saw me and got all excited, and then got into position and I swear they were disappointed that I wasn't running with them! It made me cry. I feel like I'm losing so much fitness!

I wish I'd never had this surgery. I know I needed it (I had over 30 hernias) but they weren't hurting. This hurts and I'm tired of it, I'm depressed, and I just want my normal life back.

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I'm watching Rich Bride, Poor Bride. OMG are these women insane?? What is the point of getting married? Is it to bind yourself to the one you love and declare that love to all of your friends and family? Or perhaps it is to impress other people. Of course my wedding cost about $1000 dollars and, in my mind, was the best wedding in the entire world. We had it in my parents' backyard (I wanted an outside wedding), my brother did the decorations (he's very talented), a friend made the cake, I borrowed a fantastic dress (much nicer than I could have afforded, thanks to a family friends' daughter's shotgun wedding), and we all did the flowers together. There were no arguments, no stress over money (at least there...we were young and poor, so the stress was elsewhere), we were both very happy with the entire day.

And at the end of the day, I was married to the best man in the world.

<img src="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/138/340251154_5e541142da.jpg?v=1167617125">

Even the bridesmaid's gowns were made by a friend.

It just never occurred to me to be bridezilla! I can certainly be wifezilla! LOL! I guess I was saving it for later.

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Roy's knee hurts and you would think the world was ending. If it hurts that bad, GO TO A DOCTOR! Is that so hard? I guess if you're a man, it is. I do feel bad for him, but it is kind of hard to muster too much sympathy when:

a) He hurt it in November and I've been telling him to go see a doctor since then, and
b) I hurt just sitting in a chair right now.

Men are such babies!