Overall I had a great week. Monday was Monday...and well, what can you say about Monday except it's Monday. It was my first day back from Spring Break. This school year my breaks have pretty much sucked. Winter break I had surgery and that was a complete washout. Pain pain pain the entire break. Spring break? Roy's was a different week from mine so instead of traveling or spending the week together, I was alone and it felt a lot like when I was home on sick leave. I did get out and "do" stuff on my own; biked out to lunch, shopped some (didn't buy much, just wandered), biked into Everett to see how long it would take me to bike to work. Got some great runs in and everything, but it just wasn't "fun". It was passing the time until Roy got home. I am normally not like that, but I think it was because I had just had almost a month of no work so having time off didn't actually excite me unless I had something to look forward to. A week alone wasn't something to look forward to.

So I didn't mind being back to work on Monday except that Roy was now on HIS spring break and I would have rather been home with him. I hope this doesn't happen again. What a bummer! Part of the reason we both became teachers was so we could spend our breaks off together.

Tuesday I ran from work to Starbucks to meet him and get in my 8 mile run. Did not feel the running love that day! However Thursday I ran exact same route and loved every minute of it. It's funny how that works. Wednesday he dropped me at work with my bike and I cycled home, which was great. I love biking home. I'd bike to and from work except it's still a bit dark in the mornings and the first part of my commute takes me over bridges on a 2 lane highway. The bridges still scare me, although I'm doing better.

Friday we walked out to dinner. No running for me since Saturday was training with my tri group. However I did swim Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Roy recorded me Thursday and I sent it off to a friend for analysis. She's given me drills to do but I'm at a loss still. How do I know I'm doing them right? I've been swimming for four years, an average of 3x a week and I still am not a fast swimmer and I know it's because I need someone to work with me and show me what I'm doing wrong, then make me do it right (I can't tell if something is right or not because I can't see it).

Saturday was my tri group ride; 45 mile bike, 20 minute run. OMG I get full anxiety attacks those mornings. I am so angry with myself that I get so worked up over it too! Why in the world? It's just all these details and all these what ifs. First, do I have everything. When I run it's shoes, hat, jacket and I'm good. Sure I also bring Garmin, iPod, and HRM but if I forget any or all of those things, as long as I'm properly dressed and have shoes on, I'm golden. I can still run without fear.

But bike: helmet, shoes, tools, patch kit, extra inner tube, pump, hydration, cell phone, food, enough clothes so I don't freeze, but not so much I am miserable. Are my tires inflated? Is my chain oiled? Did I check my brakes? Do I have bandaids? Do I know the route?

Then there's the what ifs. What if I:

-crash
-get a flat
-lose the group
-am last
-fall and make a fool of myself
-get lost
-am so cold I can't respond (I have Reynauds so that's a serious concern, my hands will get so cold I can't move them)
-have a back spasm at a dangerous time
-choke on the food I'm trying to eat while riding
-don't eat enough
-look like a dork wearing my hydration pack so I will drink enough
-fall reaching for my water if I don't wear the hydration pack
-get hit by a car
-hit a car
-hit a kid
-hit one of the other cyclists in the group
-say or do something stupid because I've never done group rides before this

This manifests itself in me being so short tempered the dogs are relocating to the neighbor's and my husband is ready to kill me. I'm panicked if I can't find something because I'm sure that will translate into me forgetting something else while focusing on what I can't find. My bowels are churning so I end up with...well, you know...and it is miserable because I can't STOP every 3 minutes to use the facilities. I also have a nervous bladder so even if I don't drink for 3 weeks ahead of time, I'll still think I have to use the facilities every 4 minutes for that.

Get to the meeting location and there are 50 or so other riders, panic up again. Use the restroom, take the bike down, realize my tire isn't inflated enough. Curse myself because I didn't bring my floor pump. Take out the new hand pump I got thinking "Intelligent, Tory. You haven't even tried this so you're using it NOW?" Immediately let out a bunch of air doing it wrong. Trying not to cry or swear aloud. Thinking if I don't go to the restroom soon I'll die. Finally get it pumped up enough (awesome pump...worth the $40 I almost choked on paying for it). Join the group for the pre-ride debriefing, get on the bike, sail out of the parking lot and think "Whew. Now what was I all worked up over?"

We rode 45 miles. Normally I'm in the slow group, about front middle of that group. We started together with the medium group and I got confused and thought they were the slow group, so when we hit a light and it was turning, I rushed to keep up. Managed to stay with them the entire time towards the back. I'm learning group etiquette, like to call out "glass" and "car right" (when you see a car approaching from the right who may not stop for cyclists), etc. At one point I realize I'm calling all these things out and am the last one in the pack. Uh, dorky much, Tory? Yeah. As others tired I found myself middle of the pack, then up with our head coach, Cheryl, which was cool. At the end she said "If you know the rest of the route, you can go ahead" so I did and this back of the packer came in very FIRST of the MIDDLE group! Seriously, I felt so good! I am not a strong cyclist. I'm not really "good" at anything athletic. I just do it and I do have great endurance, so while my speed isn't great, it was enough to keep up and then pass everyone as they tired. Thank you slow twitch muscles! I love you!

Transitioned from bike to run. Ran out on wobbly legs and almost fell right in the parking lot. Managed to stay upright until I literally was thinking, "Your legs are tired and you're not picking your feet up. You'd better pay attention or you're going to trip over a roooOOOOOAIGGGH!" *thud* Came down on hands, knees, CHIN, and pride. A girl (not in our group) was running behind me and instead of seeing if I was okay, just ran around me. If I wasn't crying, I would have called out "Thanks! I'm okay! You go ahead, there, Princess!" (Phariseee!!!!!) I mean don't normal people stop and say "Oh no! Are you okay?" I would! So now I have two scabs on my knees (who doesn't love a girl with scabby knees?), blood blisters on my palm, and a bruise on my chin. Worst part, though, is that I wrenched my back and it hurts SO bad today. At least it'll be fine tomorrow, I'm sure. It had BETTER be...or else!

Today we were going to bike the tulip fields but when I woke up my back said "no", my nether regions said "Are you kidding me? You rubbed us raw on yesterday's ride!" and my quads said "Ride and I file for divorce." (We almost split last week after I decided to run 18 miles the day after riding 40.) So we just got up and walked out to Starbucks and then enjoyed lunch on our patio under our little heat thingy. Roy is finishing up a shed he's building in the backyard (which looks REALLY good...he's so talented).

And on a depressing note. I have gained five pounds in three weeks out of nowhere. I mean OUT OF NOWHERE! I need to check the gravitational pull of the earth because that has to be the culprit. I am journaling daily because I'm obsessive like that (Roy referred to me as his "OC" today). I have exercised my butt off. With the marathon coming in 8 weeks and triathlon training gearing up higher, I'm actually exercising WAY more than usual which is a lot because I usually average 90 per day, and now it's over 2 hours. (Not that I exercise over two hours every day, but with long bike rides taking 3-4 hours, and long runs also taking 3 hours it averages higher.)

So to see a gain is so upsetting just because I can't find an explanation. Yes, I am that obsessive about it, but my health is a HUGE deal to me. If I were counseling me I would say "Focus on everything you're doing right and let the scale go" but of course it's easy to tell someone ELSE to do that...harder to do it yourself. So I'm "hiding" it for a week and I'm going to keep on keeping on and strive to eat enough. The irony is that I have actually not been eating enough, according to my journaling and the number of calories burned in exercise, to be maintaining my normal weight, much less be gaining weight. It has to be the increased exercise because I am cycling WAY more than I would normally be and I am seeing more muscle on my legs (and feeling it in my skinny leg jeans).

Oh well, if this is my biggest problem I am blessed. And since I am also blessed with lower back pain, I'd better go do my back exercises!