Last night after I had blogged and logged, I went back and had more cupcakes and a bowl of icecream. I was not planning on logging that. I was going to stay in a state of denial, thank you very much. Then this morning when I was logging my breakfast, I decided to see how much damage I had really done yesterday. And I planned on deleting those entries. Then I thought about it. Why am I going to delete it and hide what I ate? Who am I hiding from? I already admitted it to myself and faced it squarely. This is about being honest and facing up to my actions and taking responsibilty for them. Yes, it's embarassing that I ate so much. But hiding it doesn't mean it didn't happen. So I'm taking responsibility for my binge yesterday and boy, was it a binge.
In thinking about why it happed (always important if I want to make changes), I realized that I haven't had cake since going gluten-free and cake is one of the few foods I love. Really I don't miss cookies, pasta, bread or even pizza that much. I didn't eat that stuff much to begin with. I always said what I miss the most is my favorite cereals and cake (especially angel food cake). So when I made wonderful gluten free yellow cupcakes for the first time and they were warm and fresh from the oven, I had a hard time resisting just one. I think that's understandable. Now that I understand what happend, I need to plan what I will do different next time. Still not sure what that will be. I think I just need to tell myself that I am choosing to make healthy choices. I care about myself too much to overdo it. I can have more tomorrow when I'm hungry. But I'm too valuable to hurt myself by eating too much, especially when I'm not hungry.
Today I was trying so hard not to eat out of emotions. But I got so frustrated with my husband. He is sick and so crabby. The kids are sick too. So I have my hands full. But I went away for about 3 hours to work on my paper while all the sickees in the house could rest. This of course was such a hardship on him. He even called a half hour before I planned to be home to make sure I was on track and would really be home at that time. He complained about many things when I got home and I finally did turn to m&ms. Not a wise choice, I know. I'm mad at him, I eat m&ms, I hurt myself in the end. Nothing is better in the long run.
Become aware of the behavior, what led up to it, and decide what to do different next time.